Diary: Turkey of the Week

Calvin Lau is grinding his teeth over Mother's latest Diet Coke ad: "I might not be the target audience, but I have a hard time believing anyone could relate to these snooty puppets. The ad climaxes in a scene from Team America: World Police as blowtorches and a chainsaw are brandished and the camera goes all MTV. After mutilating a designer bag, the girls telling the store clerk to 'lighten up' after destroying his stock while they preen at everyone in sight still makes my head hurt."