Diary: Twitterati - A week in the life of ... Faux Heiss

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Unlike most creative directors, I dont just save my judging brain for awards, I judge people without iPhones, dogs, and fat people in queues

2.48am, 23 April

Wife wants to renew our wedding vows, agreed on the condition that we do it during my lunchbreak, over Skype and I can still check my e-mails

12.35am, 23 April

Lots of calls today, I dont mind though because my ringtone is the sound of a 56k dial up modem. Ace! Heiss out.

2.15pm, 22 April

Managed to connect my Philippe Starck toilet brush to the internet. Excellent.

12.42am, 22 April.