DIARY: WARL incites Beattie's wrath with its attempt to impress fcuk chief

In these straitened times, agencies are trying to lock in existing clients just as much as their pilfering, slavering competitors are trying to lure them out of the back door. Just ask WARL Evolution, the agency behind the latest Gossard G-strings extravaganza, which features a lamentably off-target sexist cliche masquerading as an ad for women (see above).

Clearly flushed by what it perceives to be the success of its first work for Gossard, WARL fired off a triumphant letter to French Connection's chief executive, Stephen Marks, trying to get a foot in the door to show its portfolio.

Its correspondence crowed: "In 1994, Gossard's 'hello boys' Wonderbra campaign didn't just make Eva Herzigova famous, it signaled a redefining of how lingerie could and should be advertised." It later reiterated this point by exhorting: "Once again, that brand is Gossard."

However, despite its self-acclaimed newfound credentials in the underwear market, WARL clearly wasn't banking on Marks' close relationship with his own advertising agency, TBWA/ London. (Er, no clues from the stack of awards the agency has racked up for them, then.)

Obviously amused by the huge error he'd read, Marks passed the letter on to Trevor Beattie, who fired off his own response.

"Stephen Marks has asked me to point out the glaringly unprofessional factual error in your recent letter. Even a cursory glance at your new client's history (let alone a faint knowledge of the world of fashion) would have revealed that the 1994 'hello boys' campaign with which you appear so belatedly infatuated was commissioned by Playtex. Not Gossard. Once again, that brand was Playtex.

"Such a tragic, slapdash lack of attention to detail, combined with the shabbily produced masterpiece of mediocrity currently masquerading as your new TV campaign for Gossard unfortunately mean that your chances of poaching a client of the calibre of French Connection were fcuked before you started."

In a final dig, Beattie adds: "I have taken the liberty of enclosing a cheque for 88p towards the post-production costs of your next Gossard TV spectacular. Your need is greater than mine."

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