Have you ever looked at a crowd - at football for example - and thought: ’I’m staring at 60,000 male orgasms’?

Have you ever looked at a crowd - at football for example - and

thought: ’I’m staring at 60,000 male orgasms’?

Probably not, but it’s a fact. You see, the sad truth is that creation

only requires the gratification of one half of a creative duo.

And, somewhat unfairly in the case of men and women, it’s not the one

who has to do all the graft.

In this day and age, that’s just a DJ’s link to the relationship between

copywriters and art directors at a time when copy is deemed all but


These days, it seems a copywriter is merely required to spit out a

headline, leaving the art director to spend weeks in gestation, lovingly

nurturing and crafting the work.

Not so. As Dr Ruth tells us, the greatest happiness of the greatest

number is achieved by mutual climax. Ill-conceived ideas spring from

disharmony, from abandoned art directors, over-excited copywriters or

clients keen to impregnate the work with irrelevant product info.

And so (warming to our theme) this is how we shall judge today’s work -

did the earth move for all concerned, or was it merely produced by a

couple of tossers having a quick Barclays at the client’s expense?

First up are those silver-tongued seducers from the former Simons Palmer

Clemmow Johnson. Goldfish is a groovy name. Its absolute irrelevance to

both British Gas and credit cards means that punters need to make a


We’ve heard Goldfish discussed in the ’what the ’ell’s that all about

then’ fashion - meaning that punters are actively pursuing information,

instead of passively receiving it. Bingo.

The choice of Billy Connolly is inspired because, although he’s weird,

he’s safe-weird, so whatever he’s on about must be kosher. The

commercials are neatly written and nicely art-directed and the

mail-packs are suitably dull, denoting a serious business communication.

But nowhere, nowhere can we find any information telling us how much you

need to spend to get 1p off your bill. Fishy eh? We suspect the deal is

duff and so, we expect, will the punters. All in all, a thoroughly

professional seeing to, but we shan’t alert the maternity ward yet.

Next Howell Henry Chaldecott Lury - the balaclava and bottle of

chloroform brigade. Ugly ads work, we all know that, and these ads for

the AA are ugly. But then, so is the marketplace. This progeny seems to

be the result of a vigorous threesome between the creative team and

client. The client is undoubtedly sated, but perhaps the copywriter

feels cheated and the art director unloved? Were they really needed?

The new VW Passat. Did more than one team work on this? It looks like

the result of an orgy in the creative department. That’s not to say that

the work is bad, but it lacks consistency.

Telewest. Somewhere an art director is lying back smoking a cigarette

and a copywriter is wondering what happened.

Shaun McIIrath and Ian Harding are the joint creative directors of

Impact FCA


Agency: Simons Palmer Clemmow Johnson

Client: Gold Brand Development

Objective: Maintain brand awareness, communicate benefits of card and

drive recruitment

Account handling: Jerry Robinson, Danny Josephs

Copywriter: Ros Sinclair

Art director: Sean Thompson

Creative directors: Paul Hodgkinson, Andy McKay


Agency: Howell Henry Chaldecott Lury

Client: AA

Objective: Raise awareness of AA Insurance

Account handling: Marc Sands

Copywriter: Pete Kirby

Art director: Tony Henry

Creative director: Axel Chaldecott


Agency: Barraclough Hall Woolston Gray

Client: VW Passat

Objective: Generate a feeling of anticipation prior to the launch of the


Account handling: Catherine Bradshaw, Miles Taylor

Copywriters: Debbie Bester, Derrin Stent

Art directors: Sonia Singleton, Sally Clack

Creative director: Chris Barraclough

TELEWEST Agency: Dolphin Client: Telewest

Objective: Persuade potential customers that cable TV offers programming

for all the family

Account handling: Michelle Lissoos, Jonathan Davies

Copywriters: Greg Phitidis, Kerry Finlay

Art director: Dave Brady

Creative director: Chalky White.