MEDIA: CELEBRITY BIG BROTHER - AN EXPERT'S VIEW. With Goldie gone, Celebrity Big Brother has no real characters left to watch

Welcome to Celebrity Rehab.

This is "road crash" television. You just can't help watching, even though you know that you're going to feel sick afterwards.

As TV schedules continue to disappear under a sea of reality-driven formats, the nation doesn't seem to be tiring of them one bit - in fact, quite the reverse, judging by the combined audience of 10.2 million viewers who tuned in on the opening night. Channel 4 grabbed a 27 per cent audience share on the evening.

Sponsorship and ITV applications present brands with an expensive, but effective, way of guaranteeing a constant dialogue with a large audience.

For the same investment, BT could have developed and owned its own TV format, with multiple revenue streams and mass syndication potential.

More and more brands and agencies are now realising that if they want to cut through the sheer noise of multichannel viewing, they will need to communicate through TV programming instead of around it.

But what is it about this country's ever morbid and increasing fascination with voyeurism and celebrity? Once upon a time, being a celebrity meant being "famous" for something you've achieved, whereas now, fame need not have any parallel with personal talent or success - weird?

At the end of last week, Goldie was evicted from the Channel 4 jail - I happen to think he was easily the most interesting house guest. One minute he is a superstar DJ/producer running around the world with Bjork on his arm and then wallop, he's taking dodgy cameo roles in EastEnders and cooking dinner for Anne "rough" Diamond. "Go on," he said, as their relationship descended into hostility. "Go and have another bag of crisps."

Mumsy Anne, the one-time chalet girl at Butlins, was big in TV ten years ago. Now she's even bigger. Her first week has been spent on an exercise bike trying to shed a few pounds, bless her. Perhaps Celebrity Fit Club would have been a better fit. Still, I think she's got balls for having a go. Good on her.

Lovely Les and his "end-of-peer antics" have got the best chance of "doing a Vanessa" now his soul mate Goldie has gone. The flatulent funny man was almost in tears as Goldie left the house. "Dinner, mate?" Les begged. "Sure," Goldie replied (better warn Podge at Soho House).

The problem is the lack of tension in the uninspired casting. Now Goldie's gone there's no dynamic in the house. Saying all that, I'm watching it in my office at the moment. I love to hate it.

- Marcus Vinton, the co-founder and creative director of Spring London, seems to have more famous friends than the rest of the industry put together.

Broadcaster: Channel 4

Frequency: 9-10pm every night on Channel 4 plus regular coverage on E4

Audience: 7.4 million for first show, 4.2 million for Sunday night

Advertisers include: BT broadband (sponsor), Mastercard, Virgin Mobile,


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