A buyer’s guide for blokes looks about ten years out of date, Andy
Lockley says
‘Stuff - the guide to buying the best of everything,’ the introduction
proclaims. It should read: ‘Stuff - the guide to being a complete
tosser.’
It looks like a cross between the Argos catalogue and a jazz magazine,
which proved highly embarrassing for me on the train last weekend. I
innocently pulled Stuff out of my bag to read and the girl opposite me
almost choked on her flapjack. She then relocated two carriages down,
advising other passengers in the immediate vicinity to do the same on
her way.
I read on, only to discover that Stuff is packed with the kind of inane
facts that blokes who wear those outdoor, purple-fleece jackets and deck
shoes thrive on. You know, the kind of smug twat who comes round your
flat, looks down his nose at your very expensive micro hi-fi, and nearly
falls over himself to explain how he’s just bought one that’s not even
as big as your remote control.
Stuff contains everything you need to be the undisputed, one-up champion
of the world, from cycle helmets to condoms (though what people who wear
fluorescent cycle helmets would need a packet of johnnies for is a
mystery).
This materialistic crap feels about ten years out of date.
As far as I’m concerned, it can take its Bang and Olufsen speakers, APS
cameras, micro gadgetry and stuff it where the sun doesn’t shine.
Besides, what a boring place the world would be if everything we bought
proved excellent value for money. What would we talk about with our
mates in the pub? ‘’Ere, Baz, I was on the job last night, and - you’re
not going to believe this - but the johnnie didn’t split!’
Andy Lockley is a copywriter at GGT
