Don't even think of going to Cannes without registering for delegate accreditation: it's the only way you'll get to see any of the 22,652 entries - and why else would you be going to Cannes in the first place? However, it's not cheap: 22,601.30 including taxes. And that's before you've paid the inflated hotel rates; recession doesn't seem to translate in Cannes. Register online at canneslions.com, then when you arrive head for the Palais des Festivals for your badge and welcome pack. Hopefully, this won't be the only time you find yourself in the Palais.
In a bid to cut costs, you might have booked yourself into a, ahem, modest hotel (still probably the price of a suite at the Dorchester in London). In which case you might be interested to know that the air conditioning is really very good in the Palais. Not that you'll need any such encouragement to attend the screenings. Will you?
In between his duties as one of the world's foremost elder statesmen, peace activists and human rights advocates, Kofi Annan will take the Cannes podium this summer to inspire adland. On Friday 26 June at 11am in the Debussy Theatre, presenting with that other global statesman, Euro RSCG's network chief, David Jones, Annan will debate the human face of climate change and the role the creative industries can play in "changing climate change to climate justice". Cue blushing from those delegates who have flown halfway round the world to watch some ads.
Let's be clear: there's absolutely no connection between the fact that Microsoft is one of the festival's biggest sponsors and the decision to award the company's chief executive, Steve Ballmer, its prestigious Media Person of the Year accolade. Mr Ballmer is extremely deserving of the title in recognition of his leadership and Microsoft's continued commitment to digital advertising. Not to mention Bing.
The Cyber Lions jury president and the chief digital creative officer for Ogilvy North America, Bastholm believes that digital communications offer great scope for corporate social responsibility. But he's no fluffy. He fights for online's right to bigger budgets by citing the movies, where 20 per cent of costs go on the trailer, and 80 per cent on the making of the film. In most advertising these days, he argues, a TV ad is just a trailer for the user experience where a brand lives - in its interactive, digital home. And yet the TV ad soaks up most of the funds ...
Bastholm moved to New York to open an AKQA office in 2004 after setting up Grey Interactive in Scandinavia, and a spell as the creative director at the hotshop Framfab Copenhagen. Ogilvy recruited him in March 2009. He looks forward to the impact on the ad industry of younger people "who have not grown up telling stories in the conventional way".
Now you should know that some of your fellow delegates have been honing their bodies for months in preparation for a big Cannes unveiling. If you haven't, it's advisable that you steer well clear of any patch of sand not marked "public" (the hot bod advertising elite don't do public). Stick to the open access beaches at either end of La Croisette, where you can also be sure that you're unlikely to run into your boss.
BELL, LORD TIM
Bon viveur, storyteller, and Lady Thatcher's favoured adman. Lord Bell is the first jury president for the new PR Lions which join the Cannes line-up this year. Now the chairman and a major shareholder in Chime Communications, the publicly quoted holding company which owns Bell Pottinger Communications (formerly Lowe Bell) and the advertising agency VCCP, Lord Bell helped to found Saatchi & Saatchi back in 1970.
He will be making sure that PR gets a good showing at Cannes this year. More importantly, he says, he hopes it will be a very happy event. Bless.
Tricky one, this. Obviously, a few days at the seaside demands a bit of trashy light reading but of course you don't want your advertising colleagues to think you're either an intellectual lightweight or, worse, in Cannes for a little holiday. But don't even think of taking Thaler and Sunstein's Nudge or Lindstrom's Buyology: adland's finest will have read the review copies ages ago. Stick to J G Ballard's Super Cannes, the intelligent and appropriate whodunnit, or better still, get a trashy novel from the Kindle Store downloaded on to your iPhone and pretend you're reading your important e-mails.
A must-order if you want the authentic South of France culinary experience. This hearty stew with croutons is an orgy of freshly caught local fish. Try to make sure someone else is paying this year, though.
As the jury president for one of the newer categories to the Cannes festival, Brien will be as relieved as any to see media agencies actually credited for entries to the Media Lions this year. For the first time, the awards will acknowledge the media agencies that did the work, as well as the companies (usually creative agencies) which submitted the entries, thereby righting a bizarre situation that threatened to undermine the category's credibility in previous summers.
Brien, who sits atop Mediabrands, Interpublic's media holding company, as its president and chief executive, will be charged with marshalling one of the biggest juries in Cannes, described by the organisers as "formidable" and crammed with some of the world's top media minds.
It's unlikely to faze the New York-based Brien, however, an alumnus of Universal McCann (worldwide chief executive), Arc Worldwide (chief executive), Starcom MediaVest Group (president of corporate business development) and Leo Burnett London (chief executive).
Just don't separate the man from his Moleskine notebook or mobile phone. They're the things (excepting family) that he tells Campaign he can't live without. That, and sleep. Clearly not a Cannes natural, then.
Heading up the Radio Lions jury as its president, Bull is the tall, sensitive, shaven-headed worldwide creative director for Lowe. After founding Lowe Bull in his native South Africa in 1996, he moved in 2003 to take the chief executive reins at Lowe London.
Two years later, he was named the chief creative officer of Lowe Worldwide, but in 2006, he returned to resume day-to-day control of Lowe Bull.
He claims that being a creative person by nature means he is often unreasonable and irrational. Spending several days incarcerated in a room listening to radio ads is unlikely to help.
Well, just because you've parked yourself in the South of France for a week it doesn't mean you have to go Campaign cold turkey. Check out all the latest Cannes news, gossip and pics every day on our dedicated Cannes channel. You'll probably be featured, after all.
A biggie in the seminar schedule and new for 2009, the Cannes debate will be chaired by Sir Martin Sorrell and will pitch a heavyweight panel of global marketers (Mary Dillon from McDonald's, Kraft Foods' Mary Beth West, Procter & Gamble's Marc Pritchard, Lloyds TSB's Nigel Gilbert) in a discussion about the impact of recession and how it will shape the marketing future. Be there (Friday 26 June, 12.00-13.00, Debussy Theatre) or have nothing relevant to say for the rest of Cannes.
The belle epoque jewel of the Cannes seafront, even if you can't afford the room rates (who can this year?) or the prices of the drinks, you can still pose on the Carlton's terrace. Which is exactly where the rest of adland's royalty are likely to be most evenings. If you're too sober for the Gutter Bar, this is also the place for you.
Ah, clients: the reason why Cannes is now utterly legitimate (and, perhaps, a little less fun?). Lots of them come to Cannes now and about 10 per cent of everyone you meet will be one. Perhaps you'll learn to spot them. They're usually better dressed and tend to dribble less than the creatives. Big-name advertisers signed up this year include Ford, Coca-Cola, HP, Sony and Nestle.
COLOMBE D'OR, LA
Forget the recession and break the bank for this hotel/restaurant because dining like this doesn't come around every week. Situated in Saint-Paul de Vence about 30 mins by taxi from Cannes, it is a sea of tranquillity compared with the hustle and bustle of La Croisette. The hotel used to provide shelter for artists, including Pablo Picasso, and legend has it that they would leave a work of art in lieu of paying the bill (the inspiration for one of Lowe's early Stella Artois ads).
A nice healthy starter consisting of a bucket filled with fresh unprepared vegetables and salad, such as bunches of radishes and massive lettuces, to ease the conscience before ploughing into the foie gras. It's a speciality in Cannes and often comes with a bucket of hard-boiled eggs.
What someone from oop North might refer to as "the prom", La Croisette is the long and winding palm-fringed road that is the heart of Cannes. Lined by some of the world's most famous hotels and beachside restaurants, it's beautiful to walk down at any time of the day (gets a bit noisy at night, though).
Just to the right of the Palais de Festivals, the Debussy Theatre is where many of the seminars and talks take place.
The festival is fuelled by this quaffable local wine that tastes of long sunny days, but inexplicably tastes of bog-standard rose when unsupported by the atmosphere of Cannes. Expensive and beautiful, you know you've finally made it to Cannes when you take your first sip of Domaine d'Ott on the terrace of the Carlton Hotel. North of 240 a bottle this year, we bet.
The single most-awarded creative at Cannes, the winner of more than 50 Lions including three Grand Prix and two Titanium Lions. Droga finds himself in a pivotal position on the other side of the fence at Cannes this year as the president of the jury which will decide on both the Titanium and Integrated Lions. He set up Droga5 in New York in 2006 after rising rapidly through Saatchi & Saatchi in Asia and London and the Publicis network, where he was the worldwide chief creative officer. He claims a passion for family, anything from his native Australia, the environment and contemporary art - some of which he even thinks is rather good.
The nearest British Embassy to Cannes is in Marseille, which is about 100 miles, so it's not advisable trying to outrun the gendarmerie and getting back to British soil by getting to the Embassy. Its address is 24, avenue du Prado, 13006 Marseille. Telephone 00 33 491 15 72 10. Or visit www.britishembassy.gov.uk/france.
Take an assistant and get them to file the receipts, or have a very trusting financial director. Keeping hold of receipts after 15 hours of drinking rose is almost impossible. Failing that, go to the Gutter Bar and just grab a load - the scrupulously surly French bar staff hand them out, willy-nilly.
For those who venture outside of restaurants and yachts and actually attend the festival, the line-up can be very daunting, with awards, seminars and workshops. So here's an easy list of the awards. Monday: Promo, PR and Direct Lions. Tuesday: Media, Outdoor and Radio Lions, plus the opening ceremony. Wednesday: Press, Design and Cyber Lions Awards. Saturday: Film, Titanium and Integrated Awards, plus the closing Gala. As for the seminars, speeches and workshops, this is only a pocket-sized book so we suggest you check out http://www.canneslions.com/festival/schedule.cfm.
The Fireflies are hardy cyclists with sore bums and red shirts who cycle across the Alps from Geneva to Cannes, a distance of more than 1,000 kilometres, to raise money for the leukaemia charity Leuka. Taking place between 16 and 24 June, one of the days features 14 hours of constant uphill cycling. One entrant last year actually started hearing voices in his head towards the end of the day.
Donald Gunn and his team will be swarming around Cannes eagerly totting up all of the winners and adding them to the big list that will eventually, along with the results from pretty much every other global award, become the Gunn Report. If you're in there ask for a pay rise (even now).
If you asked 100 Cannes regulars from the UK advertising industry what the actual name of the Gutter Bar was, perhaps only four or five would be able to tell you. Croisette 72 (now you know) was given the apt moniker because it's a tiny little cafe that gets so swamped by the ad fraternity during Cannes week that its seven or eight tables cannot contain the drunken throng who find themselves spilling out into the gutter, and half of La Croisette, generally to the consternation of passing pedestrians, drivers and gendarmerie.
It used to be that you knew you'd arrived in Cannes when you heard the whoosh of chopper blades above your head, whether to Cannes from Nice airport or Club 55 from Cannes, but the whirlybirds may be rather more stationary than usual this year. However, if you do have the money, you might as well do it in style.
Launched in 1954, the Cannes Lions Festival was inspired by the International Film Festival that precedes it every year. At first, the event switched between Cannes and Venice, before its then owner, Roger Hatchuel, opted to make Cannes its permanent home in 1984. Jaws dropped in 2004 when Emap spent £52.5 million to buy the Lions after Hatchuel and his son had a high-profile falling-out and since then, gripers have suggested that Cannes lost some of its je ne sais quoi after becoming part of a big corporation. But not everyone agrees: it recorded its highest-ever delegate count last year.
HOTEL DU CAP-EDEN-ROC
A short yacht ride away from Cannes proper, the staggeringly expensive, but gorgeous, Hotel du Cap (+33 4 93 61 39 01) plays host not only to adland's true creme de la creme but also to plenty of real celebrities. You know you've arrived if you can afford to wake up here, but remember to bring cash - the credit-card revolution is yet to reach Eden Roc.Iles des Lerins
These four islands can be a welcome break from the madness of La Croisette, providing you can find someone with a boat to take you there (there is a ferry operating out of the old port too, if you fancy slumming it). Two of the islands are uninhabited, but the others, Ile Sainte-Marguerite and Ile Saint-Honorat, are packed with history (The Man in the Iron Mask was held captive in the Fort Sainte-Marguerite) and a few restaurants, although this place is more about peace and quiet than anything else.
He may have called time on his 22-year stint at Saatchi & Saatchi in November, but Bob Isherwood, the agency's former worldwide creative director, will be a perennial Cannes icon for devising the New Directors' Showcase (25 June, 11.45-13.15), the event that manages to find and showcase the directing stars of the future. Get there early if you want to get in.
Aaah, the lot of the Cannes juror is not a happy one. If you happen to catch one in the Gutter Bar, just don't ask them whether they've got down to the beach much this year. Chances are, they'll treat you to an hour-long diatribe about their ten-hour days, the (poor) quality of the work and the bias of the overseas judges before heading home for yet another early night. See canneslions.com for full lists of jury members.
The first jury president from Japan; an outward-facing Dentsu lifer. Outdoor will be his domain, a category that remains strong in East Asia. But the executive officer and global executive creative director of the world's biggest ad agency is himself no stranger to global awards shows. A regular speaker at international adfests, including Cannes, he was the first foreign judge at the China "Great Wall" advertising awards in 2007. He has also been on the receiving end at such events, bagging gongs at the likes of the Clios, the ACC and Cannes itself.
The Dentsu seminar he will chair at this year's festival revels in the title "Spicy Lips" - a provocative header that may work to draw in pleasure-seeking adlanders during what's likely to be a more austere week than usual.
There's nothing quite like a Kir Royale at Cannes, the combination of Champagne and creme de cassis just seems to taste that bit sweeter when it's being sipped on the Carlton Terrace as the sun goes down.
As the public face of Procter & Gamble, the world's biggest advertiser - and last year's Advertiser of the Year at Cannes - AG Lafley, P&G's outgoing chief executive, has set the trend for clients to come mob-handed to the festival. It's all about P&G drawing inspiration from great work. Festival regulars, though, have complained that P&G and their like have turned it into "a kids' party with the grown-ups present".
Do they do it all winter as well as all summer? And if so, do they have a special leopardskin winter wardrobe? The mother-and-daughter duo, clad from head to foot in that most timeless of animal prints, who walk up and down La Croisette all day are one of the landmarks of Cannes. They never reveal their names. Just what are they seeking at Cannes?
He might now be battling with Vincent Bollore for the title of most powerful adman in France, but Levy's debonair charm remains unaffected, and he is a welcome fixture at the heart of Cannes. The chairman and chief executive of Publicis Groupe is keen to emphasis his group's digital credentials, and will share the stage this year with the Google chief executive, Eric Schmidt, (26 June, 14.15-15.00, Debussy Theatre).
Why is a Lion a Lion? And not any other sort of wild creature? The iconic symbols of the Cannes festival hark back to its origins in Venice (where the event used to be held) and are modelled on the lions in Piazza San Marco.
Presiding over the jurors in just one category would never have been enough for Lubars, whose impatience, intensity, creativity and new-media nous have helped turn the BBDO supertanker into a nifty innovator and new-business machine.
The chairman and chief creative officer of BBDO North America, who joined from Fallon in 2004, will oversee judging of both the film and press awards this year.
A tall New Yorker, Lubars is a long-time champion of "reversing the polarity" of advertising. Referring to captive audiences who are being sold to as "victims of advertising", he prefers a subtler approach: If the advertising doesn't reach the audience, then let the audience come to the advertising, by making ads that happen to sell stuff. Remembering that his groundbreaking, online BMW Films, starring Clive Owen and winners of the inaugural Cannes Titanium Lion, were created as long ago as 2002, makes the rest of the world look very slow in moving off the grid.
Will the credit crunch mean an end to the famous four-hour oratory extravaganza that is lunch at Cannes? Will it b****cks. When you've barely had a chance to recover from the excesses of the night before, there's nothing like a cleansing aperitif or two to set you up for the day ahead.
Sacre bleu! The Majestic had a major revamp this winter, in a bid to bring this most traditional of Cannes hotels into the 21st century. How this will go down with its adland clientele - it tends to attract the oldest of the old school - remains to be seen, but its huge pool, private beach and watersports service mean its popularity is unlikely ever to fade.
For many, Cannes is the London ad scene with added sun (and a few pesky foreigners cluttering the place up). But if you fancy something of a more authentic French experience (and you're up in time) head down to the daily market in the Place Gambetta in the town centre (7am-1pm, Tues-Sat) for some fresh fruit and veg - the ideal cure for a hangover. Bring your French phrase book and try a bit of haggling.
What is it that makes the Martinez such an attraction for the hordes of UK adlanders that descend in droves each year? Is it the Art Deco architecture? The pool? Its Michelin-starred restaurant? Or is it the fact that it's right next to the Gutter Bar, and that at 2am, it's very pleasant and generally queue-free toilet facilities start to look very attractive indeed ...
Cannes without a mobile phone can be a lonely place. But if the thought of roaming charges is striking fear into your finance director's heart, never fear, the organisers of the festival can help. Go to the registration desks to get set up with a local SIM card with no charge for incoming calls.
NEW DIRECTORS' SHOWCASE
Will the New Directors' Showcase be the same now that Bob Isherwood has left Saatchi & Saatchi? Let's hope so - it's one of the highlights of the festival calendar (25 June, 11.45-13.15). Saatchis insists that it's business as usual, but all eyes will be on the showcase this year to see if it still manages to unerringly home in on the best in young directing talent.
It may not be half as glamorous as the Martinez or as majestic as say ... the Majestic, but if there are no rooms at those more opulent inns (or if your Cannes budget has suffered some of the obligatory cut backs) this may be the hotel for you. If you're used to the grandeur of the aforementioned, it might be worth checking into its penthouse suite, replete with mirrored ceilings.
If you want to see the "real" Cannes, ie. the one that isn't packed to the rafters with thousands of inebriated adfolk, you should hit this warren of cobbled streets, packed with modest cafes and restaurants. Beware, though, your meal could be interrupted by the persistent street hawkers, eager to flog you a souvenir or five. Try to resist giving them tips on "the power of engagement" unless you've brushed up on your French first.
There are a number of essentials to cover-off in a Cannes suitcase. The first should obviously be a great big stack of business cards (after all, that is the reason you're here isn't it?). Second, a pair of deck shoes for all those yacht parties, and next to those, you should probably pack your sea legs. And for keeping up appearances, a pair of designer sunglasses are a must. A healthy supply of high factor suncream is vital too - the last thing you want to do is turn up for a meeting looking like you've spent far too long supping rose on the Majestic jetty. Don't forget the paracetamol. And finally - a copy of Campaign to gen up on the industry gossip.
PALAIS DES FESTIVALS
Originally built to host the Cannes Film Festival in 1949 on the site of the Sofitel, the Palais was rebuilt in its current guise and location on the far west side of La Croisette in 1979. The building, designed by the architects Bennett & Drue, is where all the festival action happens, from seminars to the festival closing party. When it's not housing the Lions, or the Film Festival, it's also home to a video games expo, an international boat and yacht show and a water symposium (if those float your boat).
DDB, Leo Burnett and even Traktor, whose tenth anniversary party last year has become the stuff of legend, have all ditched their extravagant shindigs this year, making Cannes a bit more of worky affair. So gone are the free-flowing Champagne, performances from renowned DJs and even the less-impressive performances by trapeze artists. It looks like those seeking a party will have to head to the Cannes galas at the Carlton Beach (Tuesday 23 & Saturday 27 June) for registered delegates. Those who aren't registered will have to head to the Gutter Bar, or newcomer The Hospital bar instead.
If you've had your fill of seminars and need something to get your adrenaline going, enlist the help of dapper Frenchman Patric, the Majestic's head of watersports. This legendary fanatic of all manner of H2O based activities can hook you up with water-skiing, windsurfing and even paragliding. If you fancy something a little more sedate, you could rent the hotel's speedboat for 2180 per hour, or for just 2100, Patric will whisk you to the Majestic's private beach at Iles des Lerins, where you can enjoy a quiet fish supper.
The man behind Barack Obama's historic presidential election campaign is DDB's rather impressive answer to a party this year. The network has arranged for Plouffe to speak on the audacity of successful brands. The talk is scheduled for 25 June at 10.45 am in the Debussy auditorium at the Palais des Festivals. Given that Obama described Plouffe as "the unsung hero of this campaign, who built the ... best political campaign, I think, in the history of the United States of America", hundreds are expected to gather hear Plouffe's pearls of political wisdom.
With more than 500 journalists from 52 counties present at last year's Lions, you can expect a strong press presence once again this year. The Brazilians, tend to be the strongest in number, closely followed by the French, Germans, Brits, Italians and Americans. Most of them can be found working away in the press centre in the basement of Palais des Festivals during the day, and milling around the Gutter Bar at night. This breed of Cannes-goer are instantly recognisable by the press passes hanging around their necks and their innate ability to blag a drink.
A new category in this year's festival, these awards aim to honour the creative use of reputation management across categories including Sector-Related PR, Product & Service and Technique. Lord Bell, the chairman of Chime Communications, will chair the inaugural PR Lions jury and will be judging the entries alongside other senior practitioners from international PR agencies such as Penny Furniss, the creative director at the UK's Sputnik Communications and Nancy Seliger, the president and senior partner at Fleishman-Hillard in the US.
Let's get this straight. Khan is the name of a British boxer. Cans is the plural of can, a receptacle for fizzy drinks usually found in a six-pack. Its singular "can" also happens to be the correct pronunciation of Cannes, the town in Southern France famous for its advertising and film festivals.
You don't see too many sharks off the French Riviera coast. That's probably because most of them are behind the wheel of a Cannes taxi, where they'll still claim an arm and leg to travel a distance you could spit. So just make sure you ask for a receipt - or risk getting eaten alive by the finance director when you get back to the agency. "Est-ce-que je peux avoir un recu s'il vous plait?" is the phrase you need. The linguistically challenged should get by with "Recu, s'il vous plait?"
He's the president. No, not that president, though you might be forgiven for mistaking the rhetoric for that of the campaign trail of one Barack Obama. Rosen is the president of the Promo Lions jury and, in his day job, the president and chief creative officer, North America, of Arc Worldwide. Of promo's fortunes, he declares: "This is our time." He goes on: "To honour promotion is to honour involvement ... Connect. Engage. Involve. Activate."
Can the Promo jury hunt out some worthy winners this year? Yes ... you know the rest.
Be careful with your plastic. Rue d'Antibes runs the length of Cannes and is packed with clothing boutiques, jewellers, haute-couture clothing outlets and art galleries. And all of them wanting to part you from your cash. Depending on your budget, it's either a place where you can shop until you drop, or enviously eye what you can't afford.
The Cannes Direct Lions jury president and an evangelist of relationship marketing. Sable's 30-year career began in advertising copywriting, took him to Israel to co-found his own agency, brought him back to the US and into speech writing and PR, and weaved its way through integrated campaign development before finally ending up in direct marketing.
As the vice-chairman and chief operating officer of Wunderman, based in New York, Sable's blog, Weekly Ramble, tackles such diverting subjects as how a fish only knows that it lives in water once it is on the river bank (relevance - without an awareness that there's another world out there, it would never occur to us to change.) His mantra? "Do it big or stay in bed." Oh, and assuming there isn't another Davd Sable with lots of mates at Wunderman and Young & Rubicam, he has 334 Facebook friends - and counting.
A healthy antidote to the havoc that the week in Cannes can cause your digestive system. Salade Nicoise is a speciality of the Nice area and is to be found on the menus of most restaurants and cafes. A true Salade Nicoise is made of fresh vegtables (never cooked) and is usually served with tuna.
Not many empty seats are likely to be facing Google's chairman when he sits down with Maurice Levy, the Publicis Groupe boss, to talk about the future of marcoms and how the mighty search engine sees its future. Levy raised a few eyebrows when Publicis and Google climbed into bed together last year. Now the pair want to prove that - in Levy's words - "Google isn't a short-term friend and a long-term enemy".
SAINT-PAUL DE VENCE
A delightful contrast to the frenzy of the festival, Saint-Paul de Vence is a beautiful medieval fortified village just a 30-minute drive from Cannes. Be warned, though. The place is packed with tourists whatever the season and the shops are very expensive. Famous as the last resting place of the artist Marc Chagall and La Colombe d'Or restaurant.
Always lots to choose from. This year, they'll be presentations from organisations ranging from Naked to Leo Burnett, Schematic and the Screen Advertising World Association. Worryingly, some seminars have become too heavily branded, turning what ought to be learning opportunities into sales pitches.
Still very popular with tourists, although the jet-setters and the in-crowd have long since departed. Best known for its 40 beaches, the yachts lining its quay and the facing line of terrace cafes. Behind them, lies a network of small streets, picturesque old buildings and multitude of shops and restaurants. A trip to St Trop by car or boat takes about two hours. By helicopter, it's just 20 minutes. But none of us have money to show off like that any more, do we?
Last year, it was Ray-Ban Wayfarers. This year, we predict Ray-Ban's 50s style Clubmaster range will be the de rigueur shades around town. For those with more modest budgets (which is probably most of us) may we simply suggest anything with big dark lenses to mask the effects of the previous night's partying.
For those of you determined to take Cannes seriously and forsake the sun, there's plenty of opportunity to retire to a darkened room for long period. Screenings of the film, Titanium and integrated Lions entries are taking place each day from 8.30am to 8pm.
In need of a further fix once the Cannes frenzy finishes? Then get ready for an early autumn trip to Singapore where Spikes Asia takes place between 16 and 18 September. A collaboration between Cannes Lions and Haymarket, the publisher of Campaign, the Spikes will honour Asia's best creative work, as well as holding seminars and workshops featuring some of the finest creative thinkers from all over the world.
There's barely room to swing a cat, let alone spread out a towel on most Cannes hotels' beaches during Lions week. So you're much better off staying at the Noga Hilton, which has a rooftop pool. If you're on a recession-defying budget, then it has to be the Hotel du Cap at Antibes. Its seawater infinity pool, dug into the rock during the last century, surely occupies one of the most attractive spots in the world.
Cannes taxis take only cash and are hellishly expensive. Take one of the local shuttle buses from Nice airport for a cheaper ride to the palm tree-fringed boulevards of Cannes. It will take about 30 minutes.
This awards category was introduced in 2003 by the then jury president Dan Wieden. Its aim is to recognise work that "causes the industry to consider the way forward". (As if the recession wasn't doing that for us anyway.) A wonderful place to benchmark what's fresh and unconventional in commercial thinking.
Or, to be precise, 22, 652. This is the number of entries that will be competing for the Lions this year, a 20 per cent drop on 2008. But consider that a film entry costs 2620 and there are 3,453 films in competition - well, it's still a nice little earner for festival owner Emap.
Those who are far too cool for La Croisette and its trade junket associations stay in rented villas up in the hills and within the suburbs of Cannes itself. Prominent, privileged and yet sealed off from the common crowd by stone walls.
VITALE ROTTA, SYLVIA
Design was a new addition to Cannes last year, when an unexpectedly high number of entries forced an additional jury member to be found at the last minute. Vitale Rotta, the chief executive at Team Creatif, is current president of the Design Lions jurors. She was also part of the inaugural jury in 2008. Born in Tanzania to Italian parents, she went to the London College of Design where she met the then young art director Nick Craig.
They both joined the Parisian communications agency Petronio & Butcher in 1976 and ten years later, set up design agency Team Creatif together. More than half its work comes from international clients. "During these times of economic uncertainty and change, it is exciting to bring optimism and joy to consumers, clients, creatives and marketers around the world," she says. A life in politics surely beckons.
Men of scrupulous surliness, Cannes waiters are nonetheless adept at mixing a delicious Kir Royale as the sun goes down. Visibly bored by their guests, they have seen enough table-hopping, air-kissing and back-slapping to last several lifetimes.
When a true turkey of a commercial appears for its few magical seconds under the viewing theatre spotlight, some delegates cannot resist the occasional whistle and catcall. Not UK delegates, naturally.
If you're at Cannes this year, you'll miss some, at least, of the Wilmbedon fortnight. You don't care, you say?
Sleep - lots of it. This is what you'll need after even the briefest trip to the festival.
Disagree with our selection of entries? We thought so. Why not e-mail firstname.lastname@example.org and tell us why.