PRIVATE VIEW: Al Young, creative director at Banks Hoggins O'Shea/FCB

So here we are, six advertising ideas to be reviewed. And I shall do it by measuring them on the Yoowanker! Scale - a yardstick known to all creatives.

Let me explain. When someone shows me their ad and I respond with "Yeah, it's nice, really well shot, too," what I actually mean is: "Yeah, it's okay but I don't wish I'd done it."

But if I see an ad and experience a numbing, vomit-inducing surge of jealousy followed by a violent expletive, it means that I love the ad.

Indeed, I love it so much that I would happily part with 50 per cent of my testicles to have done it. A 0.1 on the Yoowanker! Scale equates to whale excrement while a 10.0 is the greatest compliment I can pay another creative.

First up are three ads for the ladies from Archers. The table has been turned and gratuitous sexual images of men are thrown at us. They're fairly funny but strategically heavy handed. Mother regularly scores highly on my Yoowanker! Scale but these register a less-than-seismic 4.6.

Next is One.Tel. This is one of those generic "go one better than your neighbours" analogies. I don't wish I'd done it. Indeed, I'm glad I didn't.

I'd rather not have to watch this again- for me, it's a flaccid ripple of 0.9 on the Yoowanker! Scale.

Next are some print ads for Sofa Workshop. The thought's okay - we'll turn your highly individual foibles into a sofa for your highly individual buttocks. But they don't look very exciting and manage no more than 3.9.

McDonald's has a new all-British burger, apparently. So in this spot, a man floats across America in a huge airship burger (as you do) to rub the fact in. Giving the finger to Americans is great sport when it's done wittily, but this isn't and it's pretty uninspiring viewing. I don't feel remotely jealous. A mere 2.2 on the Scale.

Next we have a print campaign for the Multiple Sclerosis Society. I suspect, like many people, I had no idea what this disease was like. I had no idea about the random and tragic effects it has on sufferers. But I do now and for that these ads should be applauded. I don't wish I'd done them, but I do wish the MS Society success. A 6.3 on the Scale.

Finally, two edgy commercials where lads get themselves fired so they can rush home to enjoy PlayJam on the telly. My slight problem here is the sheer scale of the overclaim - these are pretty basic computer games.

You might just sacrifice your career for Xbox or PlayStation 2, but for PlayJam it's all trying a bit too hard. Nevertheless, it is having a go and these measure a respectable 5.6 on the Yoowanker! Scale.

Of course, it's hugely difficult to create advertising that makes your peers jealous, but I think it's fair to say this week's crop falls below the usual standard. So while disgruntled creatives hurl profanities in my direction, I look forward to next week's Private View and an ad that makes me swear out loud.

Multiple Sclerosis Society

Project: Dolls

Client: Ken Walker, director of marketing

Brief: Make young people who are newly diagnosed with MS realise they

are not alone by getting them to contact other young people with MS via

the MS Society website/message board

Agency: Saatchi & Saatchi

Writers: Anna Toosey and Mike Long

Art directors: Anna Toosey and Mike Long

Typographer: Scott Silvey

Photographers: Giblin and James

Exposure: Press, posters and postcards

Sofa Workshop

Project: Sofa Workshop brand campaign

Client: Paddy Prowse, brand director

Brief: Increase consideration of Sofa Workshop and its made-to-measure


Agency: Publicis

Writer: Jim Saunders

Art director: Molly Godet

Photographer: Alun Crockford

Exposure: Lifestyle monthlies and quality weekend supplements


Project: Big Tasty launch

Client: Tom Shelston, senior brand manager

Brief: Launch the new Big Tasty burger

Agency: Leo Burnett

Writer: Matt Wheeler

Art director: David Chidlow

Director: Who

Production company: Big Guns

Exposure: National TV


Project: One.Tel rebranding campaign

Client: Cristel Lee Leed, UK marketing manager

Brief: Rebranding of the One.Tel product

Agency: EHS Brann

Writer: Ross Keenleyside

Art director: Simon Armstrong

Director: Ian Sharp

Production company: Democracy

Exposure: Cable and terrestrial TV

Diageo GB

Project: Something for the ladies

Client: Philip Gladman, marketing director

Brief: Put female sassiness back into Archers

Agency: Mother

Writer: Mother

Art director: Mother

Typographer: Ian Hutchings

Photographer: Carl Johann Paulin

Exposure: National 48-sheet posters


Project: PlayJam

Client: Mickey Kalifa, managing director

Brief: Brand-building campaign to drive traffic to PlayJam

Agency: Lowe

Writer: Zac Ellis

Art director: Rich Littler

Director: Vince Squibb

Production company: The Paul Weiland Film Company

Exposure: MTV, E4 and Sky One

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