PRIVATE VIEW: Gerry Moira, the chairman at Publicis

They say that creativity is like sex: the longer you go without it, the tetchier, more irritable and crankier you become. Well, I've been sitting in the chairman's, er ... chair for about six months now and I'm ready to kill. And not in a nice way.

So, Carling. What's its problem, eh? I'll tell you what its problem is, mate. It's its nasty, narrow, mean-spirited, sad, sniggering-git sense of humour. In Carling World, a joke isn't a joke unless it has a victim attached. In this spot, the usual lager-obsessed emotional cripple is seen encouraging his wife-in-labour via his mobile phone so he can spend more time with his mates drinking Carling. I know it's supposed to be funny but if you need a German word such as schadenfreude to define your sense of humour, then maybe you don't really have one, mate.

Right. Who's next? Iceland serves up some kung fuey nonsense featuring mums as heroes (sic). Mums as indolent sluts would, of course, be a more interesting start point and perhaps more faithful to the store's offering.

But this is all fairly jolly, if generic, stuff. Mum makes a refreshing change from the obligatory seasonal celeb. I just don't see what's in it for Iceland. What's its proposition? I mean, why, in God's name, why?

Bacardi Breezer has another go at its "we know what you did last night" idea with a series of flashbacks revealing the crazy, depraved antics of two office colleagues introduced for seemingly the first time.

The thought that beneath our business suits we're all Ayia Napa holiday reps is a good one, but this execution is just too polished for me. It's the fuzzy ambiguities that make these hot flashes of recalled shame interesting and sexy.

The Department for Transport is offering a seasonal reminder that, unlike cars, our faces do not have crumple zones. This is achieved through some nifty computer work reconstructing a face before our very eyes. Basically, we start off with that bloke they brought in to save Lowe and then he slowly turns into the lovely Richard Flintham. Let that be a lesson to you all.

If you have been troubled by any nasty little viruses lately, you should pay special attention to a viral campaign from Trojan, your American Johnnies' johnnie of choice.

Basically, this is the sex Olympics. Think Fox Sports' "cliff diving" and John Smith's "diving" with knobs in. If the object of a viral campaign is to get passed from person to person until you end up on a Chris Tarrant compilation show, then these little films should succeed. However, the rather anodyne, white, heterosexual sex depicted is not nearly as naughty or shocking as it thinks it is. Four hundred metres relay buggery? Now that would be something.

For some time now, Virgin Mobile's "kings of bling" campaign has been the best telecoms advertising by a million miles. Here we open on Busta Rhymes on his personal Lear jet. He makes his way to the john, no doubt to "pass some Courvoisier".

Once enthroned, however, "the devil makes work for idle thumbs" and dear, dear Busta is sucked into a vortex of hell.

This is probably not the first time Mr Rhymes has been sucked in a lavatory but I'm sure he has always remained on the right side of the u-bend before.

The only downside of this excellent commercial is that it has so traumatised my five-year-old son that he refuses to sit on the loo for fear that he too will be dragged down into some porcelain prison from which there is no return. Thanks a bunch, fellas.


Project: Trojan Games

Client: David Thompson, managing director

Brief: Launch the Trojan condom brand online in the UK

Agency: Media Therapy

Writer: The Viral Factory

Art director: The Viral Factory

Director: James Rouse

Production company: The Viral Factory

Exposure: Internet


Project: "New boss"

Clients: Maurice Doyle, commercial director; Roger Harrison, brand

director, low proof

Brief: Latin spirit in everyone

Agency: McCann-Erickson

Writer: Simon Welsh

Art director: Darren McKay

Director: Howard Greenhalgh

Production company: Exposure Films

Exposure: National TV


Project: Jet

Client: James Kydd, brand director

Brief: Continuation of "devil makes work for idle thumbs" campaign,

advertising Virgin Mobile's 3p texts

Agency: Rainey Kelly Campbell Roalfe/Y&R

Writer: David Henderson

Art director: Richard Denney

Director: Paul Hunter

Production company: Exposure Films

Exposure: National TV


Project: "Because mums are heroes"

Client: Nick Canning, marketing director

Brief: Launch a new brand refocusing on Iceland's commitment to mums

Agency: HHCL/Red Cell

Writer: Suzy Warren

Art director: Georg Thesman

Director: Barney Cokeliss

Production company: Godman

Exposure: National TV


Project: Seatbelts

Client: Tony Allsworth, head of publicity

Brief: Communicate the risks we take in choosing not to wear a seatbelt

Agency: Abbott Mead Vickers BBDO

Writer: Tony Strong

Art director: Mike Durban

Director: Roger Woodburn

Production company: The Mill

Exposure: National cinema


Project: Carling Extra Cold

Client: Des Johnson, brand director

Brief: An especially cold take on Carling

Agency: Leith London

Writer: Simon Bere

Art director: John Messum

Director: Graham Fink

Production company: Thefinktank

Exposure: National TV