I start with two print campaigns, both for small cars. The first is for Ford Fusion, the small car that commands respect. Not a bad idea at all.
Tough black-and-white images of white-van drivers saying: "After you, mate." It's just that it's been done in a way that lacks style or wit, so it feels clumsy and dated.
The second is for the Volkswagen Beetle Cabrio. I should like this - after all, I'm a girl. It is one of those irritating girly campaigns that sells cars on the basis of bright colours and summer frivolity. The executions show Beetles as butterflies, bees and flowers - colourful, but not bright and beautiful enough to make this the classic print campaign this car so deserves.
The TV ad for Crusha, a syrup to add to your milk, features animated, laddy cats playing in a band and singing in a Chas 'n' Dave rub-a-dub-styley way: "I want some Crusha, a glass of Crusha. Tough enough to make milk shake." The endline threatens: "Add milk or we'll Crusha." Oh, scary.
What's more scary is that it sends me back in time to the late 80s, when we sat on the second floor of an office on Dean Street and heard the terrifying tones of our creative director shouting: "A song is not an idea." Although I'm sure that won't bother the little people who it is obviously aimed at.
Anadin has finally been dragged, kicking and screaming, out of the 50s (hoorah), only to find itself in a French Revolution sketch, all black and white and subtitles (boo). As Marie Antoinette is asked to face the guillotine, she says she'll have to give it a miss on account of her headache, at which point her lady-in-waiting helpfully pulls out a pack of Anadin.
Still, it's a step in the right direction - a couple more decades to go and they will be in adland 2003.
Which is slap-bang where Lilt is. It has taken the old Lilt man with a totally tropical taste and given it a makeover. Lil' Lilt ladies strut their tropical flava. Not brilliant, but really nicely done fun.
Finally, the latest Pot Noodle ads carry on (ooh-err, Missus) the dirty campaign. These are all innuendo in a Two-Ronnies-meets-Paul-Whitehouse-sketch kind of a way.
The stablehand Parkes and the lady of the manor get up to all sorts of filth before she announces that she will have to have him shot for "Pot Noodling a lady". Pot Noodle has created some of the very best advertising of the past decade - these latest ones are not classic Pot Noodle.
They are, however, a damn sight better than the depressingly bad life assurance ads that fill the ad breaks that you will never see because you are hard at work creating next year's campaigns. When I return to work, it will be with a mission to improve daytime advertising, because no-one, not even us Valium-soaked, post-natally depressed women, deserves such utter poo.
Project: Lilt laydeez
Clients: Dave Tucker, marketing manager; Angus Kinnear, senior brand
Brief: Inspire reappraisal of Lilt by repositioning it as the original
Art director: Mother
Production company: Partizan
Exposure: National TV
Project: Flowers, bees, sun, rainbow
Client: Catherine Woolfe, communications manager, small cars
Brief: Launch the Beetle Cabrio as a fun car with the spirit of summer
Agency: BMP DDB
Writers: Dylan Harrison, Feargal Ballance, Lovisa Almgren, Ben Wade,
Ewan Paterson and Jeremy Craigen
Art directors: Dylan Harrison, Feargal Ballance, Lovisa Almgren, Ben
Wade, Ewan Paterson and Jeremy Craigen
Typographer: Pete Mould
Illustrator: Ian Bilbey
Exposure: National press and posters
Project: Anadin Extra
Client: Daniel Gleed, group brand manager
Brief: Put a fresh slant on the existing campaign
Writer: Andy Wakefield
Art director: Andy Wakefield
Director: Dave Tennant
Production company: Annex Films
Exposure: National TV
Project: Crusha milkshake mix
Client: Clare Roy, senior brand manager
Brief: Reposition Crusha by targeting ten- to 13-year-olds,
communicating strength via engaging teen-oriented media
Agency: Walsh Trott Chick Smith
Writer: Elaine Jones
Art director: Anna Goodyear
Director: Joel Veitch
Production company: Rathergood Productions
Exposure: UK and Ireland national and satellite TV
Project: "The Sizzler"
Client: Hilary Strong, brand manager
Brief: Launch Pot Noodle's new bacon flavour, The Sizzler, to generate
awareness and trial
Agency: HHCL/Red Cell
Writers: Lee Tan and Jonathan Thake
Art directors: Lee Tan and Jonathan Thake
Directors: John Birkin, Lee Tan and Jonathan Thake
Production company: Blink
Exposure: National TV
Project: Ford Fusion
Client: Brendan Lyne, small car brand manager
Brief: Position the Fusion as a small car that commands respect
Agency: Ogilvy & Mather
Writers: Hamish Pringle and Dale Winton
Art directors: Hamish Pringle and Dale Winton
Typographer: Sid Tomkins
Photographer: Seamus Ryan
Exposure: Press and posters