PRIVATE VIEW: Nick Hastings, who will be the creative director at Partners BDDH from April

England's greatest ever goal-scorer is becoming quite funny in his old age, and I'm not talking about Bobby Charlton. In the new Walkers commercials each time Gary Lineker goes to nick someone's crisps he's discouraged when he hears them fart. But, as so often, there's a story behind the fart. Money goes to charity and you get a free whoopee cushion when you buy Walkers baked bean flavour multi-packs. It's a clever marketing ploy, an enjoyable commercial, and almost certainly the first time farting has helped the Third World.

Although both are irreversible, vasectomies are of course not as hilarious as farts, particularly when graphically described by the cold git of a surgeon in the Safex cinema commercial. As he listens, the face of the surgeon's client contorts with horror before the super appears: "Or use a condom." It's a truly odd piece of thinking and the, er, mother of all generic ideas. When you're as little known as Safex, generic is not good.

In a strange twist of fate, it's the two new NSPCC commercials that will sell shed loads of condoms. In one we see a dad driven mad by two road drills pummelling away in his front room. "A baby's scream can be as loud as a road drill," the super tells us. In another, a military type makes incessant demands of a frazzled mum. "Babies make up to 100 demands a day." (Great! Let's go reproduce now!) The executions are gong shy, but because the idea makes losing it big time seem quite understandable, it's smart.

The new BT commercial is horribly over-dramatised, it's cast and shot like it was a film about smack addiction. A teenager turns away in total disgust whenever his family, or anyone else, talks to him, but then he's seen chatting happily about, yup, skateboarding to a friend on the phone (BT. "Bringing people together"). No doubt teenagers prefer talking to their mates, but do they really treat their family or anyone else like tragic mutants? Or is that portrayal as patronising as husbands who can't cook? I would ask some teenagers, but obviously they'd just scowl.

In the Hutchison commercial we see various people employing the usual objects (salt cellars, etc) to inadequately describe a Liverpool move which culminates in an Owen goal. Then Bazza Davis tells us that we can now see Premiership goals on our mobile. The commercial scores but because the performances feel stilted and contrived the net doesn't bulge.

The Paddy Power posters look interesting at first glance, but to work best they take more than a glance. Will they do the business on a 48-sheet?

The odds are not unlike the schoolboy's on the bench. Of course if she was to let off a huge fart ... oh stop.


Project: Hutchison 3G

Client: Lisa Gernon, strategy and marketing director

Brief: Communicate the benefits of 3's unique football service

delivering live Premiership goals to handsets within minutes of them

being scored

Agency: TBWA/London

Writer: Ben Priest

Art director: Brian Campbell

Director: Toby McDonald

Production company: The Paul Weiland Film Company

Exposure: National TV


Project: Safex

Client: Michael Boughey, international accounts manager

Brief: Position Safex as one of the most sensible and safest methods of


Agency: Faulds

Writer: Tony Malcolm

Art director: Guy Moore

Director: Terence Stevens-Prior

Production company: Mustard

Exposure: Discovery Health Channel and independent cinemas


Project: Paddy Power

Client: Barni Evans, marketing director

Brief: Communicate Paddy Power's fun approach to betting

Agency: Bartle Bogle Hegarty

Writers: George Prest, Jon Fox, Nick Kidney, Adrian Grieve

Art directors: Johnny Leathers, Alex Rossi, Rik Brown, Kevin Stark

Photographer: Dod Miller

Exposure: Regional press and posters


Project: Walkers Comic Relief

Client: Vinita Pandey, marketing manager, snacks and promotions

Brief: Communicate Walkers' association with Comic Relief by launching

baked bean flavour crisps and whoopee cushion promotion

Agency: Abbott Mead Vickers BDDO

Writer: Peter Souter

Art director: Peter Souter

Director: Paul Weiland

Production company: The Paul Weiland Film Company

Exposure: National TV


Project: BT home phone reappraisal

Client: Colin Wise, head of advertising

Brief: Remind people of the importance of meaningful communication and

the power of the home phone

Agency: Abbott Mead Vickers BDDO

Writers: Paul Belford, Rob Oliver

Art directors: Cam Mitchell, Nigel Roberts

Director: Paul Gay

Production company: Outsider

Exposure: National TV


Project: Full stop - babies and toddlers

Client: n/s

Brief: n/s

Agency: Saatchi & Saatchi

Writer: Mike Sutherland

Art director: Duncan Marshall

Director: Paul Gay

Production company: Outsider

Exposure: National TV

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