This Nintendo Gameboy Advance campaign. It's not pooh, granted. But neither is it very good. It has headlines such as: "The second best thing to do in the dark." It has seven tiny packshots in every ad. And I can't be arsed to say owt else about it.
Bobcat Safaris reckon, via the lazy vernacular of the tufty-headed advertising creative, that "British animals are rubbish".
(This week meaning harmless.) I beg to differ. The 'umble British worker bee, for example, has the power to induce anaphylactic shock, should the mood take him. The grubby little pigeon would shower you with histoplasmosis-carrying ectoparasites as soon as look at you. And as for the harmless Friesian heifer, hell, Bovine Spongiform Encepha-lophathy's gonna ruin your day with or without the sesame seed bun, sister.
No, British beasts can rumble with the best of 'em. Jungle or no. So, I'm afraid I just don't buy such a strategically shallow inducement to what should be the holiday of a lifetime. However, there's a fortune to be made conducting guided tours around the mind of the crazed animal responsible for that layout.
There are few more serious social issues than that of drug abuse among those who wear Burberry baseball caps. In tackling this crisis head on, Mother has opted for the crazy knockabout slapstick hit TV comedy series that is COI Communications' Frank. You'll laugh. You'll chuckle. You'll immediately stop freebasing crack.
Meanwhile, over in Hollywood, a glamorous couple (let's call them Ho and Hum) are engaged in a battle of wits over the last ice-cold bottle of Coca-Cola inda house. Does the bloke lose? Honey, this is advertising. Do Selfridges sell fridges?
Indulge me for a minute. Pretend you're a car client. You market motors for a living. Motors like the new Vauxhall Meriva. It would probably be safe to assume that you're fully aware of the dubious, not to say fatal, practice of "cut and shut". You know, the Watchdog favourite whereby backstreet mechanics weld together two different halves of two different cars in the quest for a fast buck and in the hope that they won't explode apart on the merest of impacts and kill everyone on board ...?
'Course you are. Knowing this, however, would you then run an ad that at first (second, third and fourth) glance looks like a glossy glowing endorsement of said dodgy doings?
If the answer's yes and you think you can sell this to your dealers as "a revolution in car design", then you'd probably also have no qualms about giving your car a name that sounds like an eye infection, using a mundane Stephen Fry voiceover or approving a soundtrack which largely consists of the phrase "wank-wank" repeated at random over a jaunty piano solo.
Congratulations. You've passed my little test. You are indeed a car client. And, like most car clients before you, while you're totally au fait with the spurious benefits of "independent rear audio and flexible seating", you probably wouldn't recognise a good advertising idea if you came home and found your wife in bed with one.
Is it just me, or is advertising creativity at its lowest ebb ever? Oh, it is just me? Phew. Thank God for that.
Project: Class-A drug awareness
Clients: The Department of Health and the Home Office
Brief: Launch and establish the Frank brand as the main source of
information and education about Class-A drugs
Art director: Mother
Production company: Partizan
Exposure: National TV and satellite
Project: Nintendo Gameboy Advance SP
Client: Tim Freystedt, Gameboy Advance brand manager
Brief: Create an aspirational image for Gameboy Advance among a more
Agency: Leo Burnett Milan
Writer: Paolo Lentini
Art director: Michele Bedeschi
Photographer: Rodolfo Martinez
Exposure: European fashion magazines
Project: Coca-Cola "real"
Agency: Berlin Cameron & Partners
Writer: Ewen Cameron
Art director: Julio Pardo
Director: Chris Robinson
Production company: Partizan
Exposure: National TV
Project: "Two worlds. One car"
Client: Paul Meadows, communications manager, cars
Brief: Launch the Meriva as a revolutionary car that redefines family
Agency: Delaney Lund Knox Warren & Partners
Writer: David Adamson
Art director: Richard Prentice
Director: Daniel Barber
Production company: Rose Hackney Barber
Exposure: National TV and cinema
Project: Bobcat Safaris
Client: David Turner, UK marketing director
Brief: Stimulate the safari holiday travel market highlighting the
exciting animals that can be seen
Agency: Euro RSCG Wnek Gosper
Writer: Leanne Gold
Art director: Andy Bobbin
Typographer: Matt Palmer
Exposure: Poster sites in London and the South East