As some of you may already know, I’ve spent the last 21 of your
earth days in something of a tabloidic two-and-eight. And of all the
advice I’ve been given over this period, the most oft repeated and
strangest so far has been: ’Make sure you’re eating properly, won’t
you?’. This, I hasten to add, coming not from my mother but from a
variety of hardened advertising professionals. What can they mean? ’We’d
love you to join our agency, Trev, but you must stop eating soup off
your fish knife.’ Don’t they know I boast Aldo Zilli as my personal
chef? Maybe they’re just worried I may end up looking like Nigel Lawson
in the new M&G commercials. Whither the fat controller indeed.
This is a great campaign, shot with the same calm sophistication and
simplicity of Mirren-en-Virgin. Still no sign of the Campbell clan ever
putting a foot wrong on the TV front. I can’t help thinking that Nigel
looks like he’s been sucked through a hole in the Space Shuttle,
So. You’re in a pub with a woman. Suddenly, casually and after a
nine-minute silence, she says, ’... Do you find that sort of girl
attractive?’ ’What girl?’ you reply, a bit too hastily. Well, let me
tell you. There’s That Sort of Girl and there’s That Sort of Girl. But
the Thattest Sort of Girl in the whole world is the one called Pamela
Anderson (Lee). The very mention of her name is enough to make most
women strike an expression normally only seen on the face of a Harrier
pilot in a vertical dive.
And that’s why we love her.
Or is it? On the specially packaged PR video for the new Pizza Hut
commercial, Mr Todd Martin (vice-president, marketing, PepsiCo
Restaurants International) adopts a distinctly ’What girl?’ attitude.
’We hired Pamela,’ he says, ’for her flamboyant personality.’ Liar,
liar, pants on fire. Pull the other one, Todd, it’s got a cheese-filled
crust. You hired Our Pammie because she’s got large, round,
world-renowned, fabulously gorgeous gazongers.
And One Of Those Mouths, to boot. And don’t you forget it.
Having got that off my chest, the advert: well it’s highly implausible,
I still miss Hit the Hut, there’s not enough Pamela, she mumbles her
lines and I’m dead stinking jealous of a fellow Midlander going on the
shoot without me. Paul, me invite ... w’happen?
Speaking of Da Midlands, Apache Indian is a sort of Brummie Prince
Naseem Hamed. He’s from my neck of Balsall Heath and he sings MY sort of
In a bhangra ragamuffin stylee, of course. And here he is helping BBH
turn Lynx into gold. If this isn’t the most brilliantly crafted and
craftily targeted fragrance commercial ever made, it would certainly
come Top Three in a Brilliantly Crafted and Craftily Targeted Fragrance
’I saw this and thought of you,’ says the Royal Mail, against a backdrop
of some disarmingly silly music. Blinking bloody heck. The things I
might have sent over the last few weeks. The things I might have
received. What a wonderful, scary notion. Thank God this is only
advertising and not Real Life.
BMW. Big Metal Widgets. Bold Meaty Words. Bit Mundane Weally.
How do they do that? How do people sit for hours in front of them
foreign black-and-white ’art’ films, reading all the subtitles while
simultaneously studying the actors’ facial expressions, following the
plot AND eating their crisps? Can’t be arsed, me. I prefer the adverts.
’Cept now, even there I’m being asked to read the subtitles, study
Ulrika’s flamboyant personality, work out why Gary Lineker’s dressed as
Abraham Lincoln AND find a connection with Walkers Lite. All in 30
seconds flat. ’Bout as easy as underwater soot-juggling, if you ask
Apparently this is a faithful pastiche of classic Ingmar Bergman.
’Course it is. What that will mean to the crisp-gobbling children of
Leicester is anybody’s guess. I know for a fact they prefer Bunuel.
Project: Walkers Lites
Client: Michelle McGrath, Crisps director
Brief: Launch Walkers Lites Writer: John Webster
Art director: John Webster
Director: Paul Weiland
Production company: Paul Weiland Film Co
Exposure: Regional then national TV
Client: Rachel Medill, head of corporate communications
Brief: Make M&G PEPS famous
Agency: Rainey Kelly Campbell Roalfe Writer: Derek Payne
Art director: Gary Monaghan
Director: Paul Arden Production company: Arden Sutherland-Dodd
Exposure: National TV
Project: Social mail stimulation
Client: Barry Burke, marketing manager, consumer mail
Brief: Nothing gets a reaction like something sent through the mail
Agency: Bates Dorland
Writer: Paul Diver
Art director: Al Morrice
Director: Mark Denton
Production company: Brian Byfield Films
Exposure: National TV
Project: Pizza Hut Pan Pizza
Client: Gary Haigh, marketing director
Brief: Communicate just how great Pizza Hut Pan Pizza tastes
Agency: Abbott Mead Vickers BBDO
Writer: Peter Souter
Art director: Paul Brazier
Director: Roger Woodburn Production company: Park Village
Exposure: Regional TV (STV, London, North)
Project: International branding campaign
Client: Dr Wolfgang Armbrecht, head of marketing communications
Brief: Reaffirm the BMW dynamic driving experience and the philosophy
Writer: Steve Little
Art director: John Selby
Photographer: Ashton Keiditsch
Typographers: Barry Brand, Leonie Brierley
Exposure: International business press
Client: Simon Clift, brand development director
Brief: Convey that Lynx increases young guys’ confidence and sex appeal
in a credible, contemporary way
Agency: Bartle Bogle Hegarty
Writer: Brian Cooper
Art director: Jason Stewart
Director: David Kellogg Production company: Propaganda
Exposure: National TV.