The Mellorsometer: ***** A real till ringer. D&AD should be informed. **** Very good. I wish I’d been in the room when they came up with it. *** Good. Worth the battle. ** Average. Hard times, smaller budgets, tougher research, blah, blah, blah. * A smeller of Gorgonzolian proportions.

The Mellorsometer: ***** A real till ringer. D&AD should be informed.

**** Very good. I wish I’d been in the room when they came up with it.

*** Good. Worth the battle.

** Average. Hard times, smaller budgets, tougher research, blah, blah,


* A smeller of Gorgonzolian proportions.

Have you ever noticed those faded advertising slogans on the end of old

buildings? When I was a kid, I always wanted one painted on the side of

our house - like the one with the polka-dot pantomime horse for Zubes

throat sweets, ‘Hoarse? Go suck a Zube.’

You can’t beat a good old pun, and M&C Saatchi’s new commercial for TCP

doesn’t try to. It has turned an old favourite into an odds-on winner

with its gargling nag. It’s beautifully done, the wide-angle lens making

the gargler all top-lip teeth. The cartoon humour is timed and executed

to perfection as the race commentator’s voiceover poshly whispers: ‘It

can even stop you becoming hoarse.’ My tip for the winner’s enclosure

this one. *****

From an old favourite from the new Saatchi to a new favourite from the

old Saatchi. Club 18-30 has got the sort of stick in the press that used

to be reserved for Bernard Manning. This particular ad is seen from the

viewpoint of a mosquito, which sucks a proboscis full of blood from the

bare bum of a Club 18-30 reveller. The blood is so over the limit that

the gnat becomes instantly pissed and comes to a sticky end on the patio

window. It has the bizarrely vicious wit that is the badge of 18- to 30-

year-olds, who I’m certain would find it an hilarious invitation to join

‘The Club’. For my money, nobody does it better - excellent. *****

There’s something about Walkers’ Lineker campaign that has the same

timeless simplicity as those wall signs. It may not have won the big

gongs but, like the public, I absolutely love it - so much so that I

hired its originators, Malcolm Green and Gary Betts, as our creative

directors. BMP DDB Needham is a master of building a great brand on

strong foundations. The new commercial is another classic, introducing a

weeping Gazza who gets his fingers cracked for trying to nick Lineker’s

crisps. Two things that could easily go unnoticed are Paul Weiland’s

masterly direction of two non-actors and a client with enough faith to

re-name its product Salt and Lineker. Blimey, another five stars. *****

On a more typical week, the new Nissan Micra ad may have got a better

shout but, against the directness and ingenuity of the ads before it, it

just seemed, well, indulgent. Frankly, I felt the man was such a putz he

deserved to be locked up. The music was very good though, as was the

girl. Was the extremely unique launch of the Micra, with its cute little

bubble drawings, not a success? It should have been. ‘Ask before you

borrow it’ seems a mite close to the glam/gag of Renault 5’s ‘What’s

your’s called?’, or Peugeot’s ‘Take your breath away’. **

My fancy is similarly untickled by the visual style of another carefully

aimed campaign for Priority Holidays. ‘Kids!!! What would you do without

them?’ runs the very succinct endline for these child-free breaks. The

writing’s good, I just find the typewriter copy and the sub-MARC

illustrations too self-conscious. **

It would be hard to find a more relevant, arresting and appropriate way

of advertising poster changes than Maiden Outdoor’s strategy: ‘Now you

can change your posters as often as your underwear.’ But I find Keith

Chegwin in a silk bra and pants more obscene and repulsive than anything

I’ve seen for Club 18-30. Perhaps it would have been more eye-catching

to use a sexy girl or boy, not a sap. You don’t agree? Ah, well, that’s

why they call it Private View. ***

Pfizer Consumer Healthcare

Project: TCP

Client: Dr Malcolm Phillips, marketing director

Brief: Reassert the benefits of gargling to a younger audience

Agency: M&C Saatchi

Writers: James Lowther and Nick Drummond

Art director: Martin Casson

Director: Paul Weiland

Production company: Paul Weiland Film Company

Exposure: National and satellite TV

Maiden Outdoor

Project: Maiden Outdoor

Client: Francis Goodwin, joint managing director

Brief: Demonstrate how quickly Maiden can change posters as part of a


Agency: Banks Hoggins O’Shea

Writer: Richard Dennisson

Art director: Markham Smith

Photographer: Steve Cavalier

Typographer: Richard Lawson

Exposure: Central London


Project: Nissan Micra

Client: David Horncastle, marketing operations manager

Brief: Continue the ‘Ask before you borrow it’ campaign

Agency: TBWA

Writer: Graeme Parsons

Art director: Phil Martin

Director: Daniel Barber

Production company: Rose Hackney Barber

Exposure: National TV

Walkers Snack Foods

Project: Walkers Salt and Lineker Crisps

Client: Martin Glenn, vice- president of marketing

Brief: Launch Salt and Lineker Crisps and continue to build the Walkers


Agency: BMP DDB Needham

Writer: Tim Charlesworth

Art director: Michael Caplan

Director: Paul Weiland

Production company:Paul Weiland Film Company

Exposure: National TV

Flying Colours

Project: Priority Holidays

Client: Becky Impey, brand director

Brief: Launch a new brand in the holiday market with child-free


Agency: Saatchi and Saatchi

Writers: John Pallant and Andrew Fisher

Art directors: Matt Ryan and David Askwith

Illustrator: Simon Spillsbury

Typographer: Roger Kennedy

Exposure: National press and posters (crosstrack)

Flying Colours

Project: Club 18-30

Client: Stuart Hayward, managing director

Brief: Follow up the 1995 campaign to keep the brand front of mind

Agency: Saatchi and Saatchi

Writer: Ed Robinson

Art director: Dave Hillyard

Director: Mark Williams

Production company: Tony Kaye Films

Exposure: National cinema