Private view

You could get all purse-lipped and appalled by the vulgar, unappetising nature of the Golden Wonder posters and demand an immediate reopening of Adrian ‘Lord Reith’ Holmes’ debate about yobbish advertising. But the target market doesn’t see crisps as food - and neither do I, come to that. They like things such as bogeys, goo and muck - so do I, come to that - and I imagine they’ll love it. And they’re harmless enough.

You could get all purse-lipped and appalled by the vulgar, unappetising

nature of the Golden Wonder posters and demand an immediate reopening of

Adrian ‘Lord Reith’ Holmes’ debate about yobbish advertising. But the

target market doesn’t see crisps as food - and neither do I, come to

that. They like things such as bogeys, goo and muck - so do I, come to

that - and I imagine they’ll love it. And they’re harmless enough.



Autoglass has some posters that are straight from the Use of Colour in

Communication Handbook. Many, many people will know who Autoglass are

after these have run.



Wacky perverts go to wacky lengths to make conditions perfect for the

Anchor Butter cows. It has no feature by which you can grasp it or

connect with it, or in any way remember it.



‘It’s not right, it’s not fair and it’s against the law,’ seems to be an

ineptly flaccid appeal to hardened law breakers. ‘Blimey, Scarface,

they’re right. It’s not fair, it’s not right and I’ll never do it

again!’ In this case, it’s designed to persuade habitual law breakers to

pay their TV Licence fee. Fat chance.



Flaccidity is not a problem that troubles the bloke in the Jiffi Condoms

commercial. It starts with the title, ‘Coming soon’, with our bonking

hero desperate to avoid the shame of a short- coming - understandable

when you see the pneumatic babe writhing on top of him.



To distract himself from the exquisite torture, he tries a variation of

what every bloke who’s ever had the problem - which is every bloke - has

tried and recites the names of the England 1966 World Cup squad. He gets

through about half of them, but ‘Nobby’ Styles is more than he can take.

To the disgust of his partner, and a triumphant shout of ‘Bobby

Charlton’, he comes.



It’s wonderful, it’s wittily done and everyone who sees it, male and

female, loves it. In theory, it’s gloriously wrong. I can see all those

anal (sorry) brand managers with their check lists: ‘He’s an inadequate

lover, the woman is left unsatisfied, it says bad things about the

product...’ But it works by transcending all that linear claptrap

because it’s human, it’s fun, it’s a story and we can all believe in it.



‘My sister knew a bloke like that once,’ sniggers Tara, my secretary.

[Yes, she’s back. ‘I’m not going to let you cock this one up,’ she said,

flouncing in on my first day here.] ‘Yeah, but he needed the names of

not just the English squad but also the German’s, both benches, the

management and half the crowd. Not ’cos he was a stud but ’cos his

problem started on a Saturday evening when he was getting ready. He’d

get so excited about what he thought the night would bring, that it only

took one false move while doing up his trousers and his night was over.’



BT’s rock video is the ultimate product placement. In this case, the

advertiser pays for the programme itself. If you didn’t already know,

it’s a cut-down version of a new Dave Stewart video produced for BT,

called ‘secret’, and features lots of sweaty lovers and phone boxes;

phone boxes in swimming pools, phone boxes up fire escapes, phone boxes

in the middle of the street, phone boxes in tigers’ cages.



The advertising idea is terrific; the film, lacking narrative, is

curiously lifeless. Its arty posiness squeezes out any spontaneity,

leaving a collection of self-conscious images which, unlike Jiffy,

remain on the brain barely longer than they do on the retina. The

contrast between the two films proves, yet again, the strength of

narrative over pure imagery.



Think about it. Tomorrow morning, what will real people of all ages,

including those who watched MTV, be talking about?



It won’t be last night’s rock videos. As always, it’ll be last night’s

soaps.



Dalgety

Project: Golden Wonder Crisps

Client: Paul Boothman, head of marketing

Brief: Relaunch Golden Wonder Crisps

Agency: Ogilvy and Mather

Writer: Ted Heath

Art director: Paul Angus

Photographer: Malcolm Venville

Exposure: National posters



Sime Health

Project: Jiffi Condoms

Client: David Evans, marketing director

Brief: Put across the sensitivity of Jiffi Condoms

Agency: Mustoe Merriman Herring Levy

Writer: Matt Woolner

Art director: Steve Violand

Director: Simon Levine

Production company: Redwing

Exposure: Cinema



Anchor Foods

Project: Anchor Reserve

Client: Ian Buchan, yellow fats marketing manager

Brief: Launch new Anchor Reserve

Agency: Saatchi and Saatchi

Writer: Adam Kean

Art director: Alexandra Taylor

Director: Medhi Norowozian

Production company: Joy Films

Exposure: National TV



Autoglass

Project: Autoglass

Client: Stephen Gaunt, brand manager

Brief: Promote Autoglass as the experts in glass replacement and repair

Agency: Grey

Writer:Alan Curson

Art director: Dave George Typographer: Jazz

Photographer: Andy Green

Exposure: National posters



BBC

Project: TV Licence

Client: Georgina Hodges, BBC corporate marketing manager

Brief: Encourage people to buy their television licence and to portray

non-payment as socially unacceptable

Agency: BST-BDDP

Writers: Craig Moore and Nick Wray

Art director: Jon Iles

Director: David Garfath

Production company: Paul Weiland Film Company

Exposure: National and Sky TV



BT

Project:BT Payphones

Client: Bob Warner, director of BT Payphones

Brief: Promote the merits of the BT Phonebox and the privacy it affords

Agency: Abbott Mead Vickers BBDO

Writer: Tom Carty

Art director: Walter Campbell

Director: Tony Kaye

Production company: Tony Kaye Films

Exposure: Cinema