You could get all purse-lipped and appalled by the vulgar, unappetising
nature of the Golden Wonder posters and demand an immediate reopening of
Adrian ‘Lord Reith’ Holmes’ debate about yobbish advertising. But the
target market doesn’t see crisps as food - and neither do I, come to
that. They like things such as bogeys, goo and muck - so do I, come to
that - and I imagine they’ll love it. And they’re harmless enough.
Autoglass has some posters that are straight from the Use of Colour in
Communication Handbook. Many, many people will know who Autoglass are
after these have run.
Wacky perverts go to wacky lengths to make conditions perfect for the
Anchor Butter cows. It has no feature by which you can grasp it or
connect with it, or in any way remember it.
‘It’s not right, it’s not fair and it’s against the law,’ seems to be an
ineptly flaccid appeal to hardened law breakers. ‘Blimey, Scarface,
they’re right. It’s not fair, it’s not right and I’ll never do it
again!’ In this case, it’s designed to persuade habitual law breakers to
pay their TV Licence fee. Fat chance.
Flaccidity is not a problem that troubles the bloke in the Jiffi Condoms
commercial. It starts with the title, ‘Coming soon’, with our bonking
hero desperate to avoid the shame of a short- coming - understandable
when you see the pneumatic babe writhing on top of him.
To distract himself from the exquisite torture, he tries a variation of
what every bloke who’s ever had the problem - which is every bloke - has
tried and recites the names of the England 1966 World Cup squad. He gets
through about half of them, but ‘Nobby’ Styles is more than he can take.
To the disgust of his partner, and a triumphant shout of ‘Bobby
Charlton’, he comes.
It’s wonderful, it’s wittily done and everyone who sees it, male and
female, loves it. In theory, it’s gloriously wrong. I can see all those
anal (sorry) brand managers with their check lists: ‘He’s an inadequate
lover, the woman is left unsatisfied, it says bad things about the
product...’ But it works by transcending all that linear claptrap
because it’s human, it’s fun, it’s a story and we can all believe in it.
‘My sister knew a bloke like that once,’ sniggers Tara, my secretary.
[Yes, she’s back. ‘I’m not going to let you cock this one up,’ she said,
flouncing in on my first day here.] ‘Yeah, but he needed the names of
not just the English squad but also the German’s, both benches, the
management and half the crowd. Not ’cos he was a stud but ’cos his
problem started on a Saturday evening when he was getting ready. He’d
get so excited about what he thought the night would bring, that it only
took one false move while doing up his trousers and his night was over.’
BT’s rock video is the ultimate product placement. In this case, the
advertiser pays for the programme itself. If you didn’t already know,
it’s a cut-down version of a new Dave Stewart video produced for BT,
called ‘secret’, and features lots of sweaty lovers and phone boxes;
phone boxes in swimming pools, phone boxes up fire escapes, phone boxes
in the middle of the street, phone boxes in tigers’ cages.
The advertising idea is terrific; the film, lacking narrative, is
curiously lifeless. Its arty posiness squeezes out any spontaneity,
leaving a collection of self-conscious images which, unlike Jiffy,
remain on the brain barely longer than they do on the retina. The
contrast between the two films proves, yet again, the strength of
narrative over pure imagery.
Think about it. Tomorrow morning, what will real people of all ages,
including those who watched MTV, be talking about?
It won’t be last night’s rock videos. As always, it’ll be last night’s
soaps.
Dalgety
Project: Golden Wonder Crisps
Client: Paul Boothman, head of marketing
Brief: Relaunch Golden Wonder Crisps
Agency: Ogilvy and Mather
Writer: Ted Heath
Art director: Paul Angus
Photographer: Malcolm Venville
Exposure: National posters
Sime Health
Project: Jiffi Condoms
Client: David Evans, marketing director
Brief: Put across the sensitivity of Jiffi Condoms
Agency: Mustoe Merriman Herring Levy
Writer: Matt Woolner
Art director: Steve Violand
Director: Simon Levine
Production company: Redwing
Exposure: Cinema
Anchor Foods
Project: Anchor Reserve
Client: Ian Buchan, yellow fats marketing manager
Brief: Launch new Anchor Reserve
Agency: Saatchi and Saatchi
Writer: Adam Kean
Art director: Alexandra Taylor
Director: Medhi Norowozian
Production company: Joy Films
Exposure: National TV
Autoglass
Project: Autoglass
Client: Stephen Gaunt, brand manager
Brief: Promote Autoglass as the experts in glass replacement and repair
Agency: Grey
Writer:Alan Curson
Art director: Dave George Typographer: Jazz
Photographer: Andy Green
Exposure: National posters
BBC
Project: TV Licence
Client: Georgina Hodges, BBC corporate marketing manager
Brief: Encourage people to buy their television licence and to portray
non-payment as socially unacceptable
Agency: BST-BDDP
Writers: Craig Moore and Nick Wray
Art director: Jon Iles
Director: David Garfath
Production company: Paul Weiland Film Company
Exposure: National and Sky TV
BT
Project:BT Payphones
Client: Bob Warner, director of BT Payphones
Brief: Promote the merits of the BT Phonebox and the privacy it affords
Agency: Abbott Mead Vickers BBDO
Writer: Tom Carty
Art director: Walter Campbell
Director: Tony Kaye
Production company: Tony Kaye Films
Exposure: Cinema
