Private View

Wrinklies sporting skimpy undercrackers break the ice at the Serpentine to usher in every new year.

Wrinklies sporting skimpy undercrackers break the ice at the

Serpentine to usher in every new year.

What follows will be, for some, a splash of icy water up the arse,


For here’s the moulding heap of 1998 turkey left-overs that those

callous bastards have asked me to review: the execrable Amaretto

commercial where a trio of raddled Euro-trouts steal some bloke’s drink

(a headbutting offence where I come from, and that’s just the script);

the new Ferrero Rocher spot, which is like the ambassador’s party only

without the gags (unless you mean the involuntary spasms preceding

vomit); an absolute abomination for Freixenet sparkling wine involving a

lady barrister and a git in the back of a cab (which does at least

contain an important seasonally targeted insight - don’t drink too much

at Christmas or you may find some git in your knickers); and America

Online, with the world’s most punchable dad, from whose mouth even the

seemingly innocuous statement, ’I’ve always fancied Bali’, is irritating

enough to make Cardinal Basil Hume knee him in the bollocks.

Now, before you saddoes start hot-footing it for your ten seconds of

glory on the letters page, please know that this is a stitch-up.

As those mischievous elves at Campaign are well aware, expecting me to

be nice about the above shower is tantamount to asking Freddie Kruger to

try his hand at balloon sculpture. It’s like having George Martin over

for dinner and expecting him not to mention the Beatles. It’s like

having Fluff Freeman in a voiceover and expecting him not to say ’Not

’arf!’ It’s like having Mike Tyson over for a spot of light supper and

expecting not to get shagged. It’s like sending Ron Davies out to

Clapham Common in the middle of the night to see a man about a dog and

him seeing a man about a dog.

OK, one thing going for all the above spots is that they do follow Rule

One, which is to be noticed and stick in the general public’s mind. Even

some of the most highly awarded work around doesn’t follow this rule,

being designed to please 20 people tops, including the D&AD executive

committee, senior Campaign editorial staff and the art director’s old

tutor, Pip Longstaff (whose exhibition of minimalist calligraphy,

entitled ’Moi’, opened at the Copacabana Coffee Shop in Dudley last

October and closed after only 30 seconds due to torrential


Spookily, the above weren’t the only fatted calves those cheeky monkeys

sent for ritual slaughter. There’s also the Boots Christmas commercial

with a young lady buying stuff to the intro of Last Christmas. This is

the kind of stuff department stores feel they have to get their agencies

to do at Christmas. This commercial is no better or worse than the

others in the genre - indeed you might argue that the charming casting

of the female lead saves it.

The other commercial is for the Nokia 5110. You know, the one where a

boy from the Select Models agency dressed in blue takes the red cover

off his phone and slides it along a clothes line to the girl from Models

One dressed in red, while she does the same with her blue phone


To be fair to whoever was responsible for this case of televisual brain

damage, the real culprit is the mastermind who had the idea of selling

phones on the basis of changeable covers. No doubt he or she is now

selling TV sets for standing on to reach those awkward top shelves.

Great shame, because Nokia is a brilliant company currently making the

finest mobile phone bar none - the 6110. Never mind, eh?

Mark Wnek is the executive creative director of Euro RSCG Wnek


Have your say on channel six of CampaignLive at www.campaignlive.



Project: Boots

Client: Richard Holmes, marketing director

Brief: Boots has a fantastic range of inspiring gift ideas for everyone

and if you use your Advantage Card, you’ll earn points to treat yourself

to something special when it’s all over

Agency: J. Walter Thompson

Copywriter: Geoff Cousins

Art director: Jon Iles

Director: Martin Brierley

Production company: TTO2

Exposure: National TV


Project: AOL

Client: Karen Thompson, marketing director

Brief: Help families get online with the help of Connie, AOL’s


Agency: Mortimer Whittaker O’Sullivan

Writer: John O’Sullivan

Art director: Chris Whittaker

Director: Richard Sloggett

Production company: Will van der Vlugt

Exposure: National TV

Ferrero Confectionery

Project: Ferrero Rocher

Client: Michele Ferrero, founder and president

Brief: n/s

Agency: n/s

Writer: n/s

Art director: n/s

Director: n/s

Production company: n/s

Exposure: National TV


Project: Freixenet

Client: Graham Fortune, managing director

Brief: Capture the mood of spontaneity and accessibility of Freixenet

Agency: KLP

Writer and art director: Tony Riggs

Director: Tony Riggs

Production company: Tsunami

Exposure: National TV


Project: Di Saronno Originale Amaretto Liqueur

Client: n/s

Brief: n/s

Agency: n/s

Writer: n/s

Art director: n/s

Director: n/s

Production company: n/s

Exposure: National and

satellite TV


Project: Nokia 5110

Client: n/s

Brief: n/s

Agency: Grey Finland

Writer: n/s

Art director: n/s

Director: n/s

Production company: n/s

Exposure: National and

satellite TV


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