Private view

Private View? Public ridicule, more like. But fret ye not, I was up most of last night with food poisoning so I’ve got all the bile out of my system. Anyway, the work’s not half bad this week. Well, half of it’s not half bad.

Private View? Public ridicule, more like. But fret ye not, I was up most

of last night with food poisoning so I’ve got all the bile out of my

system. Anyway, the work’s not half bad this week. Well, half of it’s

not half bad.

Bet you’re sick as a parrot you didn’t get the Pretty Polly brief. ‘Do

me a Wonderbra,’ the client allegedly told TBWA. ‘Shomebody shtop me,’

said clever Trevor Bolan-Clone, swiftly turning a 96-sheet poster on its

end to display the longest, loveliest pair of legs in the world.

Phwoar! This isn’t just a big idea. It’s triplemegatoptastic. It

deserves to be sandwiched between two 60-foot high speaker stacks

belting out the percussion to We Will Rock You.

The Miller Pilsner campaign’s got legs too. The ads are mindless, full

of bad jokes, men being stupid and women being gorgeous. A bit like a

night on the piss, really. The frontman, Jo-o-ohnny Miller, with a smile

like a baby shark trying to burp, has the best lines: ‘The last time I

felt this good I had just committed an illegal act with an escort - I’d

parked on a double yellow.’

He’s supported by a truckload of trailer trash talent. There’s Pilsner,

the car-thieving talking dog (‘What’s the Japanese for ‘mirror’?’

‘Miller’), and Benny the bandleader and his grumbling appendix (‘If you

think that’s bad, you should hear my irritable bowel’). Not to mention

celebrity fridge-opener, Kathy Lloyd, and Liam’s bird, Patsy Kensit.

There are cameo roles for ‘the Chatatollah, Mr Jonathan Ross’ and a

‘toothless little dork’ of a stunt message man who plunges regularly to

his death.

Best of all is the ad-within-an-ad, where Johnny spoofs BT’s Bob

’Oskins, in an accent spookily reminiscent of Dick Van Dyke in Mary

Poppins. If the media buying is as sharp as the script-writing, this

fake-American campaign is going to shift shedloads of fake-American


Real American ads are intrusive to the point of rudeness. You know the

sort of stuff: Anal itch? Smelly feet? Trapped wind? Well, here’s

another one from Breath Asure, ‘the internal breath freshener’. (What do

you do? Shove it up your bum like some kind of eau de colon?)

This ad is so bad that as redneck presenter George Kennedy came at me

pack in hand, squeezing off facts like machine-gun bullets, I found

myself backing away from the telly. So I was well softened up for the

intelligent twist in the tail, delivered cut-glass by Geoffrey Palmer:

‘In spite of this advertising, Breath Asure has become the number one

breath freshener in America. It must be one helluva product.’

But not so wunderbar as Wonderbra. Up here in Embra, your ‘big bra’ is

your older brother. Everywhere else, it’s that miracle of modern

engineering jiggled in our faces by Eva Helpzemgrobigga. But now there’s

a newcomer to the bra wars. ‘The bra that doesn’t advertise itself’ is a

Triumph - literally, strategically and creatively. The strapline’s

clever wee dig at Wonderbra is built around something rarely seen these

days: a unique selling proposition. Of the two ads, my favourite issues

an invitation to lift an acetate with the girl’s top printed on it,

revealing the underwear underneath, saying: ‘The only way to tell if I’m

wearing a bra is to take my top off.’

Texaco’s hospital-drama piss-take for CleanSystem 3, the petrol that

promises ‘a new lease of life for your engine’, is well shot and edited.

But the idea of mechanics ‘operating’ on a car soon runs out of gas,

despite brave efforts to revive it with ten-second gags.

At least Texaco found something to say about its petrol. No such luck

for the agency team on the Nissan Primera. Their dilemma is summed up in

the line at the end of their ad: ‘It’s a driver’s car. So drive it.’

Gosh. A car you can actually drive. Must get one of those.

Gerry Farrell is the creative director of the Leith Agency


Project: Bijou bra

Client: Malcom Vagg, sales and marketing director

Brief: Portray Triumph as a fashion brand while retaining its image of

understanding women

Agency: Delaney Fletcher Bozell

Writers: Mark Waldron, Peter Kew

Art directors: Alex Bamford, Ronnie Brown

Photographer: Warren du Preez

Typographer: Richard Fielden

Exposure: National press, women’s magazines, London Underground

Scottish Courage

Project: Miller Pilsner

Client: Simon Rhodes, brands director, lagers

Brief: Reinforce Miller’s position as the US lager

Agency: Rainey Kelly Campbell Roalfe

Writers: Robert Campbell, Jez Stevenson, Jon Magnusson

Art director: Mark Roalfe

Directors: Chris Bould, Jon Magnusson

Production company: Talkback Productions

Exposure: National TV and satellite


Project: CleanSystem 3

Client: not supplied

Brief: not supplied

Agency: IMP

Writer: David Harris

Art director: David Harris

Director: David Hartley

Production company: Academy Commercials

Exposure: National TV

Breath Asure

Project: Breath Asure

Client: Claire O’Brien, director of international

Brief: Introduce Breath Asure to the UK market

Agency: Leopard

Writer: Ken Mullen

Art director: Ken Mullen

Director: Greg Willcox

Production company: Levett O’Connell

Exposure: National TV and satellite

Pretty Polly

Project: Pretty Polly

Client: Brian Duffy, managing director

Brief: Put the glamour back into tights

Agency: TBWA

Writer: Trevor Beattie

Art director: Steve Chetham

Typographer: Tivy Davies

Photographer: Platon

Exposure: National posters


Project: Nissan Primera

Client: Brian Carolin, marketing director, Nissan GB

Brief: Position the Primera as the driver’s car in the sector

Agency: TBWA

Writer: Dave Woods

Art director: Pete Harle

Director: Nick Lewin

Production company: Cowboy Films

Exposure: National TV


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