They say it’s a decade, but I reckon it’s more like ten years since ol’
John Hegarty first sat down and made the first Levi’s commercial with
his bare hands. Legend has it that in those days, Big John would take a
mess o’ film and a big old hunk o’ vinyl and start a’ whittlin’ and a’
whettlin’, a mouldin’ and a’ meldin’, a’ fussin’ and a’ cussin’ (that’s
enough, Ned), until he had himself a piece of advertising prettier than
a baby deer, with a sales kick like Doc Webster’s mule. Come awards
night, Big John would be busier than a one-legged man in an arse-kickin’
contest - even the record companies wanted to shake his hand. Nowadays,
of course, it’s all different. Now they’ve got these machines to make
Levi’s ads and the machines are taking over.
The 16-year-old modelchik, Kristina Semenovskaia, stars in this latest
50s sci-fi saga of parental control versus teenage sexual awakening. But
the real stars are the special effects; the gidgets ’n’ gadgets, the
Harrys ’n’ Flames, the woofers ’n’ tweeters, the... (stop it Ned!). All
of which conspire to rob this film of the tension and focus of, say, the
same directors’ ‘creek’ film of last year. The music doesn’t really get
a chance to get going and Kristina’s new bra beats the pants off Levi’s
old jeans. Mebbe it’s time for Big John to get his hands dirty again.
Mebbe it ain’t.
This is the season for breathy French voiceovers to whisper things like
‘Ca Ca! Pour homme’ at the end of fragrance commercials. Refreshingly,
Hugo Boss has eschewed this route and opted for total candour. ‘There’s
no reason to buy it unless you like the smell,’ the young hero of its
new cinema commercial says. Unfortunately, there’s also a TV version
with lines like: ‘It’s not just going, it’s going my way.’ Let’s get
some big sticks and hurt these people, whadya say?
Why is it that even good comedians fancy themselves as singers? In the
80s, Dennis Leary used to close his act with a perfectly dreadful
‘protest’ song (sort of Dylan meets John Denver) called Asshole. This
same song has been re-written by GGT, with a view to saving lives this
Christmas in Holsten’s very own anti-drink/drive commercial. Actually,
it’s quite effective, in a surreal sort of way. Although I must say, the
eponymous arsehole looks quite clubbable, the sort of chap you wouldn’t
mind having a few beers with, in fact.
Casting is also the key issue in the Sainsbury’s Christmas ad. That
tired ad-biz workhorse, John Cleese, gets an even more fatigued string
of old jokes with which to thread together a range of Christmas
convenience foods. ‘This year, Christmas falls on December 25th,’ is his
opener. It’s downhill thereafter.
In a similarly festive vein, Shellys has taken the magic of the nativity
story and trampled it underfoot with nasty, cheap, size 9, imitation
Patrick Cox shoes. I look forward to its Easter sale!
Which leaves me with about 100 words to review the brave new Martini
campaign. Are you too ugly to drink it? Comme tout le Londres, I was
marvelling at Trevenal’s creative spunk while it was still wriggling its
way up Westbay’s corporate fallopians. Of course, the idea is fab, but
the two executions are perhaps a tad too Ab Fab. Maybe the presenter -
Patsy Stone meets Katie Boyle meets Unity Mitford - carries too much of
the story. But I quibble, a great idea is a great idea. And this one’s a
monster. May your hogs n’ae whimper alone this Christmas.
Westbay Distributors
Project: Martini
Client: Chris Meredith, marketing controller, Bacardi Martini
Brief: Reinvigorate Martini’s image
Agency: Howell Henry Chaldecott Lury
Writer: Trevor Robinson
Art director: Alan Young
Directors: Trevor Robinson and Alan Young
Production Company: Jane Fuller Associates
Exposure: National and satellite TV, cinema
Eurocos Fragrances
Project: Hugo aftershave
Client: Hartwig Langer, general manager, Europe
Brief: Launch Hugo Boss to 16- to 28-year-old males
Agency: The Chelsea Partnership
Writer: Maryann Barone
Art director: Marcus Vinton
Director: Doug Nichol
Production company: Partizan
Exposure: National TV and cinema
Sainsbury’s
Project: Christmas range
Client: Mike Conolly, departmental director, operational marketing
Brief: Encourage people to buy their Christmas produce from Sainsbury’s
Agency: Abbott Mead Vickers BBDO
Writer: David Abbott
Art director: Ron Brown
Director: John S. Clarke
Production company: J. S. Clarke Productions
Exposure: National TV
Shellys Shoes
Project: Shellys shoes
Client: Shelly Robbins, chief executive
Brief: Create an unconventional Christmas campaign
Agency: Mustoe Merriman Herring Levy
Writer: Ben Jones
Art director: Rob Nielson
Photographer: Robert Steel
Exposure: National posters and magazines
Levi-Strauss
Project: Levi’s 501s for women
Client: Roy Edmondson, marketing director
Brief: Promote the new 501s for women
Agency: Bartle Bogle Hegarty
Writer: Roger Beckett
Art director: Andrew Smart
Directors: Vaughan and Anthea
Production company: Federation
Exposure: National TV and cinema
Holsten UK
Project: Holsten Pils
Client: Phil Plowman, marketing director
Brief: Discourage people from drink-driving this Christmas
Agency: GGT
Writer: Robert Saville
Art director: Jay Pond-Jones
Director: Frank Budgen
Production company: Paul Weiland
Exposure: National TV
