Campaign doesn’t just throw these things together, you know. Its selection committee is this week on a mission so fiendish that the embarrassment of your reviewer is virtually guaranteed.

Campaign doesn’t just throw these things together, you know. Its

selection committee is this week on a mission so fiendish that the

embarrassment of your reviewer is virtually guaranteed.

There are six exhibits demanding opinion: one stars a personality I

loathe, two are from agencies we’re pitching against, and one has just

won a pitch against WCRS. Of the others, one trashes my nationality, and

Ikea was pulled on the technicality that Waldie reviewed it last


Now, if this was called Public View, I might speculate rationally about

the effect of Michael Barrymore on the Kwik Save target market. But it

isn’t. And, privately, I find Barrymore high on my list of insufferable

exhibitionists. So I’m unable to indulge his prancing around a

supermarket shouting ’Oi!’, manhandling old ladies and peering nosily

into everyone’s shopping baskets. It’s spine-numbingly nasty and rounds

off with the endline, ’Because we’re cheap, you’re cheerful.’ A pithier

review might be, ’No, I’m not.’

I am, however, half French and so approached the Kronenbourg 1664 work

suffused with etente cordiale. After watching it, I’ve never felt so

glad to be at least half English.

Although much effort has gone into the work, it’s so difficult to engage

with the collection of smart-arses and losers portrayed in the ads. I

was almost won over by the beer whore who accosts a series of strangers

for directions and gets a bevvy out of each of them - but, hey, that’s

just me.

And so to our pitch rivals, BMP and BBH. BMP’s offering isn’t world

shattering, but the message that British Gas will give you the cheapest

electricity until the year 2001 is clearly conveyed by a lot of animated

kitchen stuff forming the date 2001. Kubrick, no. Competent,


BBH makes more innovative use of household appliances for


Its line is ’We understand baking’, and to prove it the company takes us

on a molten journey through the heart of a baking cake. Microwaves

bother me, though; I’m still not convinced that opening the door

mid-programme to prod the defrosting Jalfrezi won’t result in my hand

dropping off ten minutes later. And when I hear the voiceover talking of

’altered polysaccharides’, I’m afraid. Very afraid.

Not, though, as fearful as I am tackling the Trebor Extra Strong Mints

advertising. Trebor is one of WCRS’s most esteemed clients for whom we

do almost everything but ESM, which we lost to Mother in June. I’m

therefore not so much declaring an interest as standing as best man at

the wedding of a bloke who’s marrying my ex-wife who dumped me and whose

sister I’m currently living with. I rise, unsteadily, clutching a bottle

of wine for support.

’We’re here to celebrate the union of Mother’s ’evangelist’ campaign and

Extra Strong Mints.

’What happened, ESM? All we needed was time, we could have made it

work.’ (Aware of chairs being scraped back, bulky figures approaching.

Point accusingly at evangelist.)

’Look at him - he’s not for you.’ (Now aware of being dragged doorwards

by collar.)

(Flailing - last ditch attempt to atone by raising bottle in wobbly


’The bride and groom.’

(Think, too late, as chin hits gravel drive.)

Painful. But, wait, as I dust myself down, a bugle-call catches my ear:

there, charging over the hill is the Private View selection committee

cavalry with a new campaign from, guess who?

Yes, it’s another Mother. And after one viewing my attitude switches

from matricidal to oedipal. The Batchelors Pasta ’n’ Sauce campaign is a

living scream. A far from original premise (our complaints

dept/servicemen etc are left idle by our marvellousness) is delivered

with uncommon panache.

The skill and economy of the writing and the casting and acting of

’Billie Jean’ and her malevolent, mute sidekick are a joy.

Brave agency, brave client, medal festooning inevitable. Mother, as

Anthony Perkins almost said, I forgive you.


Project: 2001 electricity price guarantee

Client: Jon Kinsey, director of marketing, British Gas Trading

Brief: Demonstrate that British Gas can guarantee cheaper electricity

for its gas customers than their local supplier until 2001

Agency: BMP DDB

Writer: Justine Walker

Art director: Anne Baxendale

Director: Paula Williams

Production company: BBC Resources

Exposure: National TV


Project: Electrolux Foodcare

Client: Gustaf Uggla, head of brand communications

Brief: Electrolux understands the transformation of ingredients into


Agency: Bartle Bogle Hegarty

Writer: Dennis Lewis

Art director: Martin Galton

Director: Peter Darrell

Production company: Oxford Scientific Films

Exposure: National TV


Project: Batchelors Pasta ’n’ Sauce

Client: Paula Quazi, marketing manager

Brief: Recognise that Pasta ’n’ Sauce is an extremely easy meal to


Agency: Mother

Director: Hank Perlman

Production company: Hungry Man

Exposure: National TV


Project: Trebor Extra Strong Mints

Client: Louise Cook, marketing controller

Brief: Promote Trebor Extra Strong Mints’ uncompromising strength

Agency: Mother

Director: Leonard Dorfman

Production company:

Exposure: National TV


Project: Kwik Save

Client: Alan Shepherd, group marketing director

Brief: Put the pride and price back into shopping at Kwik Save

Agency: McCann-Erickson

Writer: Mike Court

Art director: Nick Scott

Director: Russell Norman

Production company: James Garrett & Partners

Exposure: National TV


Project: Kronenbourg 1664

Client: Maurice Breen, brands director for premium lagers

Brief: Illustrate the lengths people will go to in order to get a


Agency: Young & Rubicam

Writer: Ben Carey

Art director: Martin Davey

Director: Graham Fink

Production company: Paul Weiland Film Company

Exposure: National TV


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