I’d like to start with the customary reference to the Babes of
I’d like to, but I can’t. Thanks to the pitch from hell, I’ve hardly
seen the little mites all week. So girls, if you’re reading this, Daddy
still loves you and stop torturing the cat.
With that out of the way we shall move swiftly on to the ads. First up
before the beak is the Ford Focus ’eclipse’ film. Did anyone see the
Quite dark and ever so slightly disappointing, I seem to remember. If I
said this film did it justice then I think we all know where I’m coming
from. Actually this commercial was much better viewed through those
special glasses. Try it.
The next commercials for Vibrant would scorch the old retina with or
without the funny specs. These were pretty good considering the subject
matter. Of the two I preferred the one where the paint was squidged all
over the screen. Both films are a pure celebration of colour and all
power to the client for buying them. Sadly both suffer from hopelessly
inappropriate voiceovers. One sounding like that painfully unfunny
cat/twat from Red Dwarf; the other, having undergone a bit of dubious
double tracking, sounding not unlike a sort of female dalek. I think
drugs may have been involved.
Otherwise, a valiant effort.
Volvo sent a press ad with lots of knots on it. Why? Who knows?
Something to do with safety I’ll be bound (unintentional gag, but I’ll
leave it in). If you like knots, though, this ad’s a corker. It’s got
hundreds of them.
Talking of string, next up is a puppet. A somewhat familiar one if you
work at BMP. It’s amazing to think that since the Smash Martians were
created we earthlings have landed a probe on Mars and found it barren
and lacking life. I’m afraid the same has to be said of this
To be fair it’s a pretty hard act to follow, but it left me feeling a
bit flat. Dig up classic ideas by all means, but I think you have to
breathe new life into them, or they turn to moondust.
Hovis has got a Nobel Prize winner wishing he’d thought up the concept
of the sliced white loaf. And I should imagine the baker who dreamed up
the sliced white loaf wishes he’d discovered sub-atomic particle
But life’s like that. Let’s just leave it there, shall we. Anyway the
guy is clearly seen spreading honey straight on to the bread without any
butter. So he’s not that sodding clever. Hovis has so much going for it
that it seems a shame to throw it away like this. I much preferred the
ads where people were seen making their sarnies just the way they liked
Finally the best of the bunch. A cinema ad from BT Cellnet without, joy
of joys, E-bloody-T!
A ’two minutes to save the world’ spoof, which is two minutes long, as
it happens. Here’s the story: the slightest noise and the planet is
nuked by a nasty looking UXB. All is going well until we hear a mobile
phone going off. It turns out to be from the cinema audience. I haven’t
seen this at the pictures (thanks, girls!) but I bet it works a treat.
And anything that stops those bastard phones ringing at every
opportunity has to be a good thing. Perhaps the future is bright, after
So, what have we learnt today?
Well, we’ve learnt that there is something duller than the eclipse. And
it’s a car.
We’ve learnt that the greatest thing since sliced bread isn’t an ad
about sliced bread.
We’ve learnt the difference between a rolling half-hitch and a bow
Unfortunately we haven’t quite worked out what that has to do with the
old Swedish Showbox. Stop press: I’ve just been informed that the Volvo
ad ran in the yachting press hence the nautical bent. This, of course,
ruins all my gags but does explain a lot. Extra tot of rum all
We’ve learnt that, however beautiful your ad, the one thing that won’t
wash is a dull voiceover.
We have confirmed that there is no life on Mars.
And that not all BT ads have a rubber puppet in them.
Not a bad day’s work, really. Adios amigos.
Project: Ford Focus
Client: Steve Hood, brand manager
Brief: The Focus exceeds expectations
Agency: Young & Rubicam
Writer: Leighton Ballett
Art director: Lee Goulding
Director: Marc Over Production company: BFCS
Exposure: National TV
Project: Hovis Crusty White
Client: Ian Greengrass, marketing manager
Brief: Announce the launch of Hovis Crusty
Agency: D’Arcy Writer: Roger Holdsworth
Art director: Phil Chitty
Director: Chris Hartwill Production company: RSA Films
Exposure: National TV
Project: Volvo V70
Client: Michele May, advertising manager
Brief: Produce a bespoke ad relevant to the specific readership of
Agency: Abbott Mead Vickers BBDO Writer: Tony Malcolm
Art director: Guy Moore
Photographer: Tif Hunter Exposure: National yachting magazines
Project: Mobile phone etiquette
Client: Kent Thexton, marketing director
Brief: Encourage etiquette among mobile phone users
Agency: Gee Jeffery & Partners (adapted by Abbott Mead Vickers BBDO)
Writer: Don Embree
Art director: Mike Willson
Director: Eddie Chu Production company: Radke Films
Exposure: National cinema
Procter & Gamble
Clients: Hounaida Lasry, brand manager, Frederick Nails, marketing
Brief: Launch a brand that locks in fabric colours so that they keep
expressing their true personality
Writer: Chris Street
Art director: Chris Sainsbury
Directors: Graham Fink (’colour sings’), Simon Goodchild (’colour
screams’), Clive Walley (’colour excites’) Production companies: The
Paul Weiland Film Company, Sherbet, Bermuda Shorts
Exposure: Regional TV
Client: Anthea Harrison, brand manager
Brief: Produce a money-back offer using the brand icon
Agency: Willox Ambler Rodford Law
Writers: Mark Adkins, Alan Rodford
Art directors: Mark Adkins, Alan Rodford
Director: Ken Turner Production company: Annex Films