It goes without saying that creatives understand nothing about the

political intricacies of "big business", so you won't catch me

commenting on Smirnoff's satirical decision to walk away from Lowe

Lintas. One thing's for sure, in asking its new agency to match the

brilliant "Through the bottle" campaign, Smirnoff issued one bitch of a

challenge. What we get is a talking Weimaraner, sat on a piano stool in

some bar, entertaining the clientele with a comedy routine. I don't like

it, although I've heard there are people who do. The special effects

make the poor hound look as if he has only got partial control of his

limbs and, to add insult to injury, he has to deliver horribly lame

material - "I'm not going to argue with her boyfriend, he's a Boxer" -

and other doggy puns. Curiously enough, the audience are in convulsions.

The endline is: "If Smirnoff made petfood ..." please don't.

Employment-wise, this is a good time to be a dog, because there's

another one starring in the Harvest Crunch campaign. This time it's a

Jack Russell, uncontroversially called Jack. His owner just won't give

Jack any Harvest Crunch - the bastard. This provokes Jack, who's clearly

been on the Smirnoff, into biting his arse. An uncomplicated idea then.

The endline is "Do you want some?", which I liked, and I could get to

like Jack too. For a dog, he has an unusually acute sense of


The Co-op campaign is a bit of a shame. The headlines are designed to

resemble health warnings, which is too smart by half and, more

damagingly, the lines aren't sharp enough. Does "There's only one kind

of animal ..." really merit another airing, and what's with the

self-righteous pomposity of "as far as we're concerned"? I say the

campaign's a bit of a shame because this is a brief most creatives would

jump at.

The Ribena campaign tells us to "Grow up one day". Not a bad spot of

advice and one which I wish the characters in the commercials would take

to heart. There's a thin line between amusing pranksters and irritating

gits, and yup, you've guessed it. If "Act your shoe size, not your age"

confirmed your happy instincts about acting stupid, this makes you want

to become immediately and tremendously mature.

Not so the new Coors Light campaign. It features four blokes going mad

in a log-cabin somewhere snowy, and does a good job of capturing those

story-making moments that happen somewhere between juiced and


The endline is "It goes down easy", and that's about what I feel about

watching it. In one, the blokes are playing Jenga with random, household

objects and the loser has to lick a truly frightening looking sock. How

come in all the learned thesis about the causes of man's cruelty to man,

no-one's ever mentioned lager?

The print campaign for the Rough Sleepers Unit whacks home a simple

message with a baseball bat. Subtle it ain't, and neither should it be.

The packaging-inspired art direction feels half-formed, but the

creatives can sleep soundly knowing that they've done an important brief

justice. Sweet and barmy summer sleeps to you all.


Project: Smirnoff Vodka

Client: Pamela Bower-Nye, brand director

Brief: Develop ads that people want to "drink up"

Agency: J. Walter Thompson

Writer: Bruce Menzie

Art director: Simon Brotherson

Director: Daniel Kleinman

Production company: Spectre

Exposure: National TV

Quaker Trading

Project: Quaker Harvest Crunch

Client: Jill Caseberry, commercial director

Brief: Relaunch Harvest Crunch as the antidote to a boring breakfast

Agency: Rainey Kelly Campbell Roalfe/Y&R

Writer: Ben Short

Art director: Cameron Short

Director: Bob Rice

Production company: Maguffin

Exposure: National TV

Coors Brewing International

Project: Coors Light

Client: Jamie Lister, European marketing director

Brief: Coors Light. The full strength beer that doesn't fill you up or

slow you down

Agency: Banks Hoggins O'Shea/FCB

Writers: Brian Riley and Matt Lee

Art directors: Brian Riley and Matt Lee

Director: Traktor

Production company: Partizan

Exposure: National TV

SmithKline Beecham

Project: Ribena Ready to Drink

Client: Henry Tucker, senior brand manager

Brief: Enticing young adults back to Ribena

Agency: Grey Worldwide London

Writer: Kevin Morris

Art director: Kevin Ferry

Director: Jayson Moyer

Production companies: Eclipse Productions, UK; Believe Media, Los


Exposure: National TV

COI/Rough Sleepers Unit

Project: Homeless

Client: COI Communications/Rough Sleepers Unit

Brief: Encourage businesses to donate their surplus goods to "homeless"


Agency: Leith London Writer: Paul Silburn

Art director: John Messum

Typographer: Paul Cohen

Photographer: Mark Leary

Exposure: Business press

United Northwest Co-op

Project: Co-op

Client: Ged Carter, general manager of marketing; Shirley Farrell,

marketing communications manager

Brief: Highlight socially responsible initiatives from the Co-op and

encourage brand reappraisal

Agency: Partners BDDH

Writer: Pete Matthews Art director: Michael Keane

Photographer: Moy Williams

Exposure: Women's press