Laydeeees and Gennelmen ... welcome to today's Private View ... a

tag wrestling match between two schools of advertising.

In the green corner, The Saints. The Bertrand Russell school of

advertising, who believe a product is not just a product but an

expression of something higher and nobler. Their eyes are fixed on

loftier horizons.

In the red corner, The Sinners. Their ads are not an expression of man's

lofty ideals but their baser and often bodily functions. Their eyes are

aimed lower - mostly below the belt, which is where they normally


First in for The Saints is Peugeot 307. Who says the devil has the best

tunes? This ad has Something Inside so Strong. A doctor runs out of his

307 to deliver a baby and the title says: "A driver is not just a

driver." In more lyrically crafted set-ups, we are told a prisoner who

paints is not just a criminal, a business man is not just a suit and so

on. In the end the baby is delivered and up comes the title ("307 is not

just a number"). Stirring stuff, and beautiful to behold. Do you believe

it? Discuss.

Now, leaping over the ropes for The Sinners, are a bunch of male


As they reveal their bits and bobs they also reveal various numbers

thereupon to a mob of moistening ladies drinking Morgan's Spiced Gold.

As Bob reveals his final bit and number (probably a single digit by the

look of it), an old lady shouts "House" and the title says "Bingo spiced

up". Half a Monty, I think.

Next in for The Saints and One2One is Gary Oldman, who asks: "What makes

you you?" In a lyrically intertwined series of episodes, we see a nurse

and the man whose van she has driven into, another man and his pregnant

wife, a business man visiting his mother in hospital and so on.

Finally the van driver marries the nurse, the pregnant lady has her

baby, and Gary says: "You're every one to one you've ever had."

Beautifully shot, it has a haunting soundtrack and a dream-like quality.

So why do I yearn slightly for Ian Wright and Martin Luther King -

perhaps a more single-minded one to one rather than six to six?

Next for The Sinners are a couple of contestants from those naughty but

nice guys at Mother.

First, some press work for Magic FM featuring a pair of air-guitar

playing and bicycling nuns. Now it's well kitsch, and I'm a great

admirer of Mother, so I want to believe it knows what it's doing here.

Because I haven't the foggiest idea.

No such problem with their next offering in The Sinner category for

Vindaloo Supernoodles. Pretty well everything they have done for

Batchelors has been tasteless, loutish ... and absolutely brilliant.

Here they have discovered the universal truth that three words will

always get a laugh: (a) Moist (b) Pucker (c) Vindaloo. Here the

legendary properties of the latter are celebrated with various guys

suffering screaming sphincters with Johnny Cash singing: "Burn, burn,

burn, the ring of fire." It certainly aims low. But it doesn't miss.


Finally, last into the ring (sorry) is neither Saint nor Sinner. Just a

lovely ad.

A claymation family living happily in a school art project are

distraught when a passing teacher decapitates one of them and wanders

off with his red plasticine head. We find her later painting her front

hall in the same colour Dulux paint ... "You find the colour. We'll

match it." A delightful successor in an excellent campaign, based on a

true, if lateral, observation of what people want and the product


So who wins? Saints or Sinners? Closer to heaven or nearer the


It doesn't matter as long as it is adjacent to the only thing that

really matters.

The truth.


Project: One2One brand campaign

Client: Tim Yates, marketing director

Brief: Make One2One synonymous with natural communication

Agency: Bartle Bogle Hegarty

Writer: Alex Grieve

Art director: Adrian Rossi

Director: Steve Reeves

Production company: Another Film Company

Exposure: National TV and cinema


Project: Morgan's Spiced Gold

Client: Sarah McNaught, brand development manager, Scotland

Brief: Launch and position Morgan's Spiced Gold in Scotland

Agency: Grey Worldwide, London

Writer: Kate Humphries

Art director: Nick Rowland

Director: Sanji

Production company: Eclipse Productions

Exposure: Grampian, Borders and Scottish TV


Project: "Plasticine"

Client: Kerris Bright, marketing director

Brief: Demonstrate the breadth of Dulux's colour offering

Agency: Abbott Mead

Vickers BBDO

Writer: Nick Worthington

Art director: Paul Brazier

Director: Paul Gay

Production company: Outsider

Exposure: Satellite and national TV, cinema

Emap Performance

Project: Magic FM

Client: Stephen Palmer, marketing director

Brief: Reflect the feelgood nature of the station

Agency: Mother

Writer: Mother

Art director: Mother

Photographer: Justin Mullins

Exposure: 48-sheet sites


Project: Launch the new Peugeot 307

Client: Xavier Peugeot, advertising director

Brief: Launch the new Peugeot 307 into the family car section

Agency: Euro RSCG Wnek Gosper

Writer: Ollie Caporn

Art director: Ollie Caporn

Director: Anthea Benton

Production company: Partizan Midi Minuit

Exposure: National TV and cinema


Project: Vindaloo

Client: Richard Kingsbury, senior marketing manager

Brief: Promote new flavour

Agency: Mother

Writer: Mother

Art director: Mother

Director: Bryan Buckley

Production company: Hungry Man

Exposure: National TV