According to its new ad, if I were to go down to The Link (6) today, I would be harassed by two wrinkled, predatory gay men, showering me with vile sexual innuendo in regards to my quite innocent choice of mobile phone. Fuck that for a game of soldiers.
Peugeot (3) is an interesting kettle of car these days. There seems to be a quietly impressive revolution in its advertising of late - the "shame" and "envy" ads, the lovely eye-dazzle of the Antoine Bardou-Jacquet animated spot - and, with a fair wind and a general industry consensus, the team could well be in line for its share of shiny awards come the new year.
To be fair, the 307 idents don't have the breadth of imagination of the aforementioned, but they are rendered with a certain wit and craft and they don't get on your tits. And, save for The Carphone Warehouse recently, when did you last see an ident campaign that didn't make you want to kick your telly's head in?
The Burger King (5) ad has a Bonnie Tyler lookee-likee (now there's a career for you) belting out "one ninety-nine" to a soft-rocked version of Guantanamera. It gets the price in your head, which I guess is the point of promotional advertising. But it's also a rather depressing singalong ad that clings desperately to the lifebelt of irony, which I'm not sure has any point at all these days.
The new Nike Run (1) campaign makes my head panic. Not because it is poor advertising (far from it, as it maintains the nicely urgent street imperative of previous work), but more because I can't fathom that whole running thing. I have a strong personal belief that if something can't be done without a cigarette smouldering louchely between one's fashionably yellowed fingertips, it shouldn't be done at all.
A couple of classic "visual wit"-style posters for The Times (4). Nothing to dislike in particular, although the online blurb seems oddly tacked-on, like a six-sheet pasted on to a 48-sheet by a bored paster-upper (or whatever the technical term is).
I've been sent a viral version of the Mazda (2) 5 ad. It's the one that features the store dummy with nipples the size of genetically modified Toffos, nipples of such unnatural size and aggression that in a more primitive time they would have been justly accused of witchery and cavorting with the devil. The only change I can fathom between this version and the more common-or-garden telly one is the lack of the hilarious Zoom Zoom Zoom theme tune. It doesn't make a world of difference.
STUDENT - Bruno Bainsfair, 16, has just done his GCSEs.
His dad works in the industry
Since I am at the young, tender and (quite) innocent age of 16, please excuse me if I commit a major faux pas or somehow shoot myself in the foot by not knowing something or by not using the necessary jargon. Remember, I'm only a young 'un.
The Link (6). I like this ad. It's probably because I love The Fast Show, or maybe it's that since I'm young I can fully appreciate the value of a good sexual innuendo, or maybe it's because it's just really simple, funny and at the same time gets the point across. Definitely suits me, sir.
I'll go next to Nike (1). Nike ads are traditionally the cool ones. They're the ones you hope to see the whole time and the ones people download off the internet. This one is no exception. I like it because it's an ad which, instead of advising you what to do, tells you what to do. I like that.
I also like the way it gives two fingers to laziness and admits that breaking laziness will be painful. Top stuff. Oh, and by the way, the online stuff is probably the best I've ever seen. I love the cartoon man and woman, the music and the whole layout. I'd run a year just to do the online work justice.
The Peugeot (3) film idents are funny and simple, although I'm not sure they give any reason to buy the car. I suppose they raise some kind of awareness, but other than that I can't really see what they're telling me. But what do I know? I can't even drive yet.
I'm not too partial to Burger King (5) - anyway, I'm more of a McDonald's man myself - but instead of converting me from one to the other, this ad kind of confuses me. It may be because I lack the creative insight most creatives were born with, or possibly because I am completely missing something, but I fail to see the connection between Burger King and a strange woman letting doves free in some kind of crypt singing "one ninety-nine" over and over again. I get that £1.99 is the price and it does stick in your head, but other than that, this ad just really confuses me. Sorry.
There isn't much to say about The Times' (4) print ads. They do their job. A very simple, bog-standard print ad. Although I do think that the pens on the cricket one are a flash of inspiration.
The Mazda (2) ad has an alright idea and it's well done, but it has one problem: Mazda 5s aren't sexy. You can chuck half-naked girls all over the shop, put it in lingerie and cover it in chocolate and, yeah, I'll enjoy watching it, but it won't trick me into thinking a Mazda will help me rake in the ladies and catapult me to the height of cool. Good ad, wrong product.
That's it. I'm off now. See you in about six years.
1. NIKE Project: I will run a year Client: Ben Moore, head of brand communications, Nike Brief: Challenge Londoners to run for a year Agencies: AKQA, Wieden & Kennedy London Writers: Nick Bailey (AKQA), Stuart Harkness (W&K) Art directors: Duan Evans (AKQA), Kerry Gooden (W&K) Designer: Masaya Nakade Exposure: Outdoor, online 2. MAZDA Project: Surprisingly stimulating Client: John Abel, European director of communications, Mazda Motors Europe Brief: Launch the Mazda 5 Europe-wide as the stylish C-MAV which challenges category expectations Agency: JWT Dusseldorf Writer: Christoph Herold Art director: Dietmar Reinhard Directors: Fabrice Carazo, Rachel Carazo Production company: Markenfilm Exposure: National TV, cinema, viral 3. PEUGEOT Project: 307 idents Client: Dean Drew, advertising director, Peugeot Brief: Create idents for five's weeknight movies Agency: Euro RSCG London Writer: Imran Patel Art director: Dave Prater Director: Joakim Eliasson Production company: Bare Films Exposure: Weeknight films on five 4. THE TIMES Project: Ashes, The Game Client: Richard Larcombe, communications and marketing strategy manager, Times Newspapers Brief: Raise awareness of the Ashes coverage and The Game supplement in The Times Agency: Rainey Kelly Campbell Roalfe/Y&R Writers: Greg Mitchell, Michael Crowe Art directors: Nick Strada, Robert Messeter Photographers: Colin Campbell, Paul Zak Exposure: 48-sheet posters 5. BURGER KING Project: £1.99 summer promotion Client: Dawn Foster, head of marketing, Burger King Brief: Develop a promotional vehicle to present the summer £1.99 offers Agency: Delaney Lund Knox Warren & Partners Writer: Rob Clayman Art director: Mark Dickens Director: Andy Morahan Production company: Bikini Films Exposure: National TV 6. THE LINK Project: Suits you Client: Elizabeth Fagan, managing director, The Link Brief: Get people talking about The Link Agency: M&C Saatchi Writer: David White Art director: George Hepburn Director: Mark Mylod Production company: Tomboy Films Exposure: National TV